


Unfamiliar Territory

by fanfie1991



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Episode VIII The Last Jedi, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy, kylux - Fandom
Genre: Abuse of Authority, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Anger, Angst, Crying, Drinking & Talking, Embarrassment, Erotic choking, Eventual Smut, Fluff and Smut, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Choking, Force Use, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Insomnia, Jealous Kylo Ren, Jealousy, Kissing, M/M, Masturbation, Mind Reading, Mutual Masturbation, Sad Kylo Ren, Self-Hatred, Showers, Slow Burn, Stealing thoughts, sad Hux, scared
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-08
Updated: 2018-04-01
Packaged: 2019-02-17 12:23:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 29,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13076808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fanfie1991/pseuds/fanfie1991
Summary: Post TLJ. Kylo and Hux try to come to terms with the changing position in power. Kylo’s new discovery of emotions leads to a world of issues for both of them. Two stubborn, scared emotional wrecks cause havoc with each other’s feelings.So grateful for all you lovely people taking the time to read and comment! :D means a lot!! ❤





	1. A new beginning

**Author's Note:**

> Planning on making a series of these guys because I love them so much! So I would be so happy with any feedback and comments! I’d like to keep going so please please let me know what you think! Thanks so much for reading!  
> Thanks for all the kudos! Makes my day, let me know if you would enjoy more :D

General Hux watched the last of his fleet make their way back to base, standing abandoned on the mineral planet. It was his own fault really, he had ordered them to leave. A solitary vessel remained to escort him and Kylo Ren back, once he could get Ren onto it that was. The thought of leaving him there had passed through his mind fleetingly but it was known now that Supreme Leader Snoke was dead and Kylo had claimed the role. He grimaced and rubbed his balled fists against his eyes. It had only been hours since he had found Snoke dead and Kylo on the floor but it felt like decades. He sighed resolutely and turned, heading back towards the mine. 

Kylo was in the same place he had left him more than an hour ago, on his knees, staring straight ahead, not there at all it looked like. Rage welled up in Hux, he strided towards Kylo ready to give him a piece of his mind. “You let yourself get distracted!..” Hux hissed. Kylo remained motionless. The twinge in Hux’s shoulder deterred him from pressing on. He did not want to meet any more walls at speed. He sighed heavily. “Supreme Leader..the longer we are here the further away they will be...maybe..we can still find them..”he ventured. Again, Kylo was motionless, paying no attention to the general. Hux toyed with the idea of waving his hand in front of Kylo’s face but thought better of it.

After more futile minutes of standing in front of Kylo, Hux gave in and found himself a seat. He would just have to wait it out, until Kylo was ready to get off the floor, like a petulant child Hux thought to himself. As he sat silently, he allowed himself to look at the other man. If Kylo noticed him staring he didn’t say so, or didn’t care. He looked little more than a boy in that moment, lost, unsure of himself, his actions. A pang of something took Hux by surprise. He wasn’t sure what it was, maybe pity? Worry?. Kylo was so unsure of himself, how was he going to lead The First Order? Could he really rule the galaxy when he was so unpredictable and impulsive?

He thought back to his first encounters with Kylo Ren. He was unsure of the sullen man before him, couldn’t quite figure him out. The animosity between them was instant, vying for Snokes approval at all costs. They worked together because they had too but Hux had made an effort at the beginning, had tried at times to engage Kylo in conversation, offererd him a drink, he always refused. It was lonely being Hux, no one else was quite on his level as a peer. He had a habit of looking on others as beneath him, an attribute of his fathers. He turned his attention back to Kylo. As difficult as he was to understand, Hux didn’t hate him, he worried about him. He quickly pushed the thought from his mind, he worried about the future of the galaxy, his own future, he corrected himself. 

Kylo stood upright in one fluid movement, interrupting Hux’s musings. Kylo stared at Hux as if he hadn’t been sitting in the room with him for more than an hour. Silently Kylo started to walk around the room, looking at the debris on the floor, running his hands over the surfaces. Hux nearly jumped out of his skin as Kylo suddenly kicked a chair that had been in his way, sending it sailing too close to Hux’s head for comfort. He jumped up in indignation, about to yell when Kylo crumpled to his knees again, sobs racking his body. Stunned by the show of emotion, Hux was unable to move, rooted to the floor.

An eternity of seconds passed, Hux still unsure what to do, started to approach Kylo slowly. He stopped behind him, unsure whether he wanted to comfort him or kick him. Afraid to touch him, for fear of being flung into a wall again, he slowly lowered himself to the ground until he was sitting beside him. The anger he felt was still there, simmering under the surface, the unfairness of the whole situation. Why should Kylo get to take control and order him around when he clearly can’t control himself. 

Hux watched him silently, as his sobs subsided. When he had exhausted himself, his breath catching as he tried to pull himself together, Hux took the opportunity to try to speak to him. Trying to keep his voice stern, he started with “..Now that we have that out of the way...”, only to be met by Kylo’s shoulders beginning to shake again. Hux rolled his eyes and moved in front, turning to face Kylo, putting his hands firmly on his shoulders. The following moment caught him completely off guard, his breath catching. He remained still as a statue as an exhausted Kylo leaned forward and rested his head on Hux’s shoulder. His hands splayed in mid air, his mouth slightly open, he couldn’t move. Kylo snuffled and moved his head to the side, Hux couldn’t help but think of streaks on his pressed uniform. 

After a moment, Hux relented and put his hands back on Kylo’s shoulders. The intimacy of the situation was not lost on him. This was now his Supreme Leader, falling apart, wiping tears on his shoulder. Part of him wanted to laugh at how ludicrous it all was. It seemed that leaning on him was comforting Kylo however, he had stopped crying and was still again. Hux hoped he didn’t want to spend a lengthy amount of time in this position, his knees were starting to hurt.

A wave of tiredness took him, he felt weary to his bones. His mind lapsing for a moment, he rested his head on Kylo’s opposite shoulder. He noted that the other man smelled pleasant considering the days events. He felt Kylo stiffen as his head touched him, suddenly pulling away and standing up. Hux practically fell backwards, looking up in surprise. Kylo met his eye for only a second, before looking away, his cheeks flushing. Hux stood up immediately, both men brushing themselves off, avoiding each other’s gaze. 

They made their way to the ship without speaking, Hux taking command as Kylo sat silently in the back. When they were airborne, Hux took a moment to glance back, Kylo who was watching him immediately looked away. When they had docked, Hux stood quickly, he wanted nothing more than to get to his chambers, shower and sleep. He had almost forgotten the earlier events in his haste. He jumped as Kylo quickly snatched his hand in a vice like grip.  
“ Ah!...what..” he started to say. “This stays between us...” Kylo said eyeing him. Wanting to have five working fingers, he agreed quickly, opening and closing his hand when Kylo released his grip. 

Alone in the ship, Kylo let out a deep sigh. He had let his guard down, shown weakness in front of Hux, the one person he needed to be in control of. How could he have let his emotions take over like that? He needed to sleep, his eyes were starting to close. Standing up to leave, he was surprised when Hux walked back inside. Looking him straight in the eye, Hux handed him something. Kylo held up Hux’s uniform jacket, shoulder streaked with his tears. Hux was already half way out the door, looking back at him “I assume you know where laundry is?..”. Kylo could only watch him leave, unable to think of anything in the world to say.


	2. Awakening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux has an eventful night, leaving him confused and guilty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much again for reading and for the lovely comments, this is another little pilot chapter so I would love to know your thoughts before I really get into this :D

Hux slept fitfully that night, remaining semi conscious for most of it. His mind raced with the events of the previous day, his dreams taking him to dangerous places. He had felt marginally better earlier when he eventually reached his chambers. Standing under the blast of hot water from his shower, his body finally relaxed. He leaned his head against the cool surface, focusing on the heat loosening his muscles. He winced as he ran a hand over his shoulders, turning his head to see an impressive bruise already formed. His thoughts turned to Kylo Ren, the look on his face when he had been handed the jacket. Hux allowed himself a small smile, he had taken his life into his own hands but it was worth it. What he couldn’t rid himself of, however was the sense of unease that enveloped him, what was going to become of them?

After waking for the fourth time, in a cold sweat, his breathing labored he finally sat up. His Mind and body were exhausted but he knew sleep was not going to come to him. Rubbing his hands roughly over his face, he looked around for water. He usually kept some close by but in his exhausted earlier state, he hadn’t bothered. His eyes wandered to the cabinet which housed his impressive beverage collection. He needed something stronger than water he conceded. Walking barefoot across the room he eyed the collection,he didn’t allow himself to drink much, always needing to keep his mind sharp. Collecting drinks however pleased him. He poured an emerald green liquid into his glass, he was unsure what it was but judging by the sting in his nose it would do the trick. Knocking it back, he grimaced and shook his head. A warmth crept over him. He poured himself another glass, drinking it just as quickly as the first. Not wanting to go back to sleep, he decided he would take a walk.

As a general rest time, most of the bases corridors were empty. The occasional guards on duty acknowledged him with curious glances. He commanded this ship on a daily basis, there was nothing odd about him taking a walk, he thought crossly. The effects of his drinks were picking up nicely, his dulled senses humming. Not having any real direction, he let his feet go freely whilst his mind wandered. He was obligated to bow to Kylo Rens orders now. The thought sent a pulse of anger through his body. Hell bent on revenge, Kylo couldn’t see the bigger picture, how would Hux be able to push him in the right directions without angering him? Would he listen to reason or feel attacked? He pinched the bridge of his nose, the beginnings of a headache forming.

Sighing heavily, he turned back in the direction of his chambers. He caught himself as he stumbled over his own foot, that drink was stronger than he thought. His head was starting to swim, looking around, he noticed he had walked quite a distance. The room in front of him looked slightly familiar. Kylo’s chambers, he remembered. He had only been here once, searching for Kylo, to deliver some unfortunate news about an audience for both of them with Snoke. He remembered entering the room, wary of how minimalistic it was, dim lighting, it resembled Ren. Not one for ambience, he had noted at the time. Through the crack, he could see a dim light. Maybe he couldn’t sleep either. It was pity he wasn’t more sociable, although given their recent encounters, Hux was probably the last person he would want to see. Paranoid that Kylo would appear and find him in the hallway, he made his way back to his room.

By the time he reached his door, his head had settled into a dull spin. He eyed the green liquid suspiciously on his way to the bed. It sat innocently outside the cabinet staring back at him. Manouvering himself to the top of the bed, he lay flat on his back. His body felt tense and overheated. Sitting up, he pulled off the long sleeve black top and kicked off his pants, discarding the offending articles on the floor. Laying back, he welcomed the cool sheets against his skin. 

He shifted himself several times in an effort to get comfortable while trying to sleep. Turning to his side, he realized why as he felt the strain against his shorts. Usually, being so mentally and physically drained, his baser urges were put to the wayside. Nothing on the ship sparked his interest and he was too busy to be elsewhere. He knew he couldn’t sleep like this. Relenting, he slid his hand down, pulling himself out of the too tight shorts. He set to work, stroking rhythmically, trying to fix his mind on something to speed it up. Exhausted, his jumbled thoughts wouldn’t stop slipping back to the predicament he found himself in. 

To his surprise, his cock twitched in his hand as his mind wandered to Kylo. His breath catching, he began to move faster. Images flashed in his head, when he had first encountered him, when Kylo abandoned the mask, Kylo on his shoulder. Part of his brain screamed at him to stop, the other part spurred him on. He was too far gone he reasoned with himself. Letting his mind take over, already painfully hard he jerked himself faster, trying to stifle a moan as he came hard, spilling onto his stomach. Stroking the last of it out, his chest heaving, a wave of shame, confusion and guilt hit him all at once. He got off on thinking about Kylo, now his Supreme Leader Kylo. No, he berated himself, it was just a mixture of alcohol and exhaustion was all. That’s what it was. He was asleep before he could process another thought.

Waking up the following day, he sat bolt upright. Praying it was a dream, he looked down to see the stickiness on his stomach, the drink on the cabinet. Shit, he covered his face with his hands. He was late already, late for what he didn’t know. He just needed to get to the bridge to see what Kylo was planning as Supreme Leader. His stomach did a threatening lurch as he stood up, that drink was going straight down a drain when he got back, he thought. Grabbing a towel, something by the door caught his eye, hanging on a chair. He walked over to his clean, pressed jacket, pulling a note off the back of it.

To your standard I’m sure.  
A helpful droid found laundry 

He would have been slightly amused by this, and grateful for his life had he not been consumed by the unfamiliar feelings churning in his gut. He felt like throwing up but he was late, dragging on his clothes, forgetting the shower, he grabbed the jacket on his way out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I promise Kylo is coming soon! Lol again Hux just taking over but I have great plans for them, so feedback and more importantly if you have zany suggestions I would love to hear! Thanks again!


	3. What are you hiding?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo knows Hux is hiding something. He wants to know what it is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so here is chapter 3. I’m so happy with the kudos and all the lovely comments that this one is a bit longer and kicks the story into gear :D

Hux walked briskly through the corridors towards the bridge. More than anything, he wanted to go back to his room and hide for the foreseeable future. Laying in bed in abject misery was a very pleasurable thought. Far more pleasurable than having to face Kylo Ren, his face burned at the mere thought. Stopping outside the entrance to the bridge, he tried to collect himself as best he could, deep breath, neutral expression, go.

Lost in thought, staring outwards, eyes on the galaxy, Kylo started at the sound of someone entering. Given yesterday’s events, the bridge was quiet, only those operating the vessel in the room, quietly doing so. There was a general air of confusion and misdirection filtering throughout the first order. Hushed whispers and skeptical expressions were aimed towards the new Supreme Leader. Looking around, he took in the somewhat disheveled looking General. Others may not have noticed, the shadow darkening his jaw, his usually slicked back hair softer, but Kylo noticed. He felt the wave of exhaustion, anger and something else emanating from Hux. The something else caught his attention. He wasn’t usually so sensitive to others emotions unless he intended to be, lowering his guard to feel them. It surprised him and he didn’t like it. He empathised with no one, he reminded himself.

“General Hux..good of you to join us” Kylo greeted him abruptly, avoiding eye contact but gesturing for him to join. Exhausted and in no mood to be berated, Hux fired back through gritted teeth “ My apologies Supreme Leader, given recent events, some of us may have difficulty getting a decent nights sleep”.. He regretted it immediately, bracing himself for an impact of some sort. Kylo’s jaw clenched and unclenched, his eyes still fixed firmly ahead. “General...” he said, after a moment, “Phasma is gone..we certainly don’t need any more stormtroopers getting ideas...I trust you can choose a suitable replacement?”. Relieved, Hux replied in a less obstinate tone “Yes, I think I have one in mind..”. “Good..” Kylo replied, “ You can go and inform them”. Grateful to leave, Hux hurried towards the door. “Oh..and General?..”. Stopping short, Hux chewed his lip and turned to face the other man warily. “Perhaps you would sleep better if you were actually in bed, you know...not wandering hallways..”. Hux blushed furiously, thankful Kylo still hadn’t looked at directly at him. He made a hasty exit, praying Kylo had been informed of his night time ramble and not physically seen him wandering around drunk. 

Hearing the door close behind him, Kylo let himself relax, stifling a yawn. Hux wasn’t the only one exhausted. Kylo too lay awake for hours the previous night, his mind refusing to shut down and give him the rest he desperately needed. Yes! He thought suddenly, that was it, he was exhausted, everything that had happened the day before and the added embarrassment of breaking down in front of Hux. That must be why he was feeling so sensitive to the others emotions. When Hux had got down and put his hands on Kylo’s shoulders, he’d unknowingly opened a floodgate. Underneath Hux’s anger, Kylo had felt the wave of concern and along with the physical contact of another human it pushed him over the edge. He couldn’t help himself but to lean into the other man. It was only when Hux leaned back against him that the mixture of both their emotions shot through him like electricity, the intensity forcing him to push away. His mind wandered to his own actions last night. He was not handling this the right way, he knew, but he was alone now, he had no one to ask for guidance anymore. 

He had been lying awake coincidentally thinking about Hux and how he was going to face him when he had felt it again. Subtle at first, a small wave of anxiety, something akin to annoyance, followed by a pleasant dullness. It was getting closer. Confused, Kylo sat up and shook his head. What was happening to him? A small sound outside the door startled him, eyes narrowed, he got out of bed slowly and crept towards it, his fingers curled around his lightsaber. With Snoke just dead, he had to be on guard for traitors. There would be some who were less than pleased with their new leader. Standing in front of the door, he could sense the presence on the other side. He couldn’t feel any anger or an intent to harm him, just a general restlessness. There was something familiar about it though. He held his breath and waited. At the same time as his eye wandered to the jacket hanging next to his door, it dawned on him, the familiarity, it was Hux. His stomach knotted, he almost wished it was a traitor. At least in that case he could just kill them and go back to bed. Before he could analyze the situation further, Hux was gone, taking his intrusive emotions with him.

A disgruntled Kylo paced his room, running fingers through his thick hair, stopping intermittently to stare at the ceiling, fists clenched. Trying to ignore the internal panic creeping up on him, he tried to think about it rationally. So Hux was walking around the ship at night, that’s okay, maybe he just can’t sleep. He happened to end up by Kylo’s room, not too strange. But why had he stopped outside and why had his emotions felt so strange. He wouldn’t admit it to himself but he was more curious about the latter, annoyed by his inability to block them out. Hux always had a way of infuriating him, his condescending tone, that smug face when Snoke praised him while berating Kylo, and now to top it off, here he was outside Kylo’s room annoyingly projecting more unwanted emotion. He had enough, anger overtaking tiredness, Kylo grabbed the jacket and stormed out of the room.

He knocked loudly at the door. What he was going to say he didn’t know, he hadn’t thought that far ahead. He knew he was irrational when he was angry but he could never stop himself. There was no answer from the room. Irritated he knocked again, Hux had literally been outside his room fifteen minutes ago, he was sure of it. He must be awake. Before he could second guess himself, he went into the room. Hux was asleep, body sprawled in an uncomfortable looking position. Kylo frowned while he took in the sight, his head had slid off the pillow and was resting precariously on his shoulder, one arm underneath him, the other outstretched. The sheet was pulled to barely cover his hips. Confused, Kylo looked around the room. The soundly sleeping creature in the bed did not look like he had been recently awake and walking around. Spotting the drink outside the cabinet, he went to investigate. He rolled his eyes, no wonder, he thought to himself, explains why he had felt the haziness earlier, that stuff would knock a wookie. 

Less annoyed, now that he had an explanation, he turned his attention to the jacket he was holding. He had been furious and embarrassed when Hux had given it to him. He also didn’t actually know where laundry was. He had offloaded the offending item to a droid, telling it to return the jacket to General Hux when it was clean. Useless thing had instead returned it to Kylo with some of his own things. He hung the jacket on a chair by the door, he didn’t know what made him write the note but he did, taking stationary from Hux’s organized desk. He was surprised to see such primitive equipment. 

He turned back to look at Hux again before he left. As much as he didn’t like it something about the situation was intriguing him. He felt less vulnerable while Hux was sleeping. He knew it was a bad idea but he moved closer. Taking someone’s thoughts and feelings forcefully, he had plenty of practice in. There was something different about this, he hadn’t asked for it but it was happening and he was helpless to stop it. He could feel it now, focusing his energy, he reached out, Hux was more relaxed than he been when he was awake, something had relieved him, made him feel better. Kylo moved closer again, maybe whatever it was could help him get to sleep. Hux suddenly rolling his direction made him jump. He stepped back, the thought of the fright Hux would get if he woke up to Kylo standing over him was almost amusing. He would rather it didn’t happen though so he quietly left the room.

His head was starting to beat like a drum. Hux was making his way back to the bridge, taking slow breaths in an attempt to quell the nausea. He would tell Kylo that he had informed Phasma’s replacement and if nothing else was needed of him today he was going straight to bed. He hated feeling like this, it was so unlike him. He should be busy figuring out where the hell they go from here, their plans, their strategies. He just didn’t have the energy, he was so drained and it wasn’t down to tiredness and drink. There was something else, he hoped he wasn’t getting sick. A stormtrooper approached him as he reached the bridge. “Supreme Leader wants to see you..” he said, telling Hux where Kylo was waiting. Great, he thought dejectedly. He just couldn’t catch a break. Feeling more sorry for himself than ever, he set off to meet his Supreme Leader again. 

Kylo waited in the small control room nervously, this was a bad idea. He worked on steadying his breath when he heard Hux walk in. “General..”, he said turning to face him. He hoped Hux couldn’t hear the shaking in his voice. He noticed Hux was paler than he had been a few hours ago. “ I have informed Phasma’s replacment, and went through what we will require of him”, Hux said quietly. “And what did you tell him?, Kylo relplied, “it’s important he is right for this position”. Kylo didn’t care what Hux was telling him, he just needed to distract him. He tried to keep his expression neutral, like he was listening. Focusing he reached out, he could already feel the tiredness, the nausea, he felt those the moment Hux came in. There was something else there, the same something he had felt this morning. Now though, he realised it was aimed at him. He wanted to know what it was. He answered a question absently, hoping it was the right answer, he couldn’t listen, he was too focused. 

Hux was looking peakier by the second, it occurred to Kylo this might be affecting him. He couldn’t bring himself to stop. Since the moment he had felt it first, there was something pulling him in, like a drug, he craved it. He pushed further, this particular feeling, the one he couldn’t quite grasp..not embarrassment...but similar...shame? But why?. He didn’t realize Hux had stopped talking and was staring at him worriedly. He needed to change his tactic. Rummaging through Hux’s feelings wouldn’t give him the answer. He needed to get inside his head. He saw Snoke dead, the planet, himself, what he expected to see. He saw Hux’s memory of his walk, stopping outside Kylo’s room, returning to his own. Hux visibly winced, he knew what Kylo was doing. Eyes locked, Kylo probed further, what was he hiding? He pushed at the wall Hux was so desperately trying to keep up. Hux looked horrified, making Kylo feel uneasy about what he could need to hide so desperately.

He knew he should stop, he was hurting him. He tried to ignore Hux’s pleading with him to stop. By now his hand was raised, holding Hux upright. He wasn’t using much strength, he didn’t need too, Hux was no match. The wall was beginning to crumble, he expected to see a plan to kill him or worse. He couldn’t have his second in command hiding things from him. He saw Hux back in his room, in bed, the restlessness, reaching down. He loosened his grip, brows knitted together, surely Hux wasn’t risking his neck to hide that simple act from him. He was human after all. There had to be more too it. He flicked through and discarded the thoughts until he found the one he was looking for. The shock made him release his grip completely, dropping Hux heavily on the ground. Stunned, he could only watch him scrabble to get off the floor, gasping for breath. He felt a twinge of something, seeing Hux look so utterly defeated. He wanted to say something but the words wouldn’t come, he could only watch him leave. For the second time in two days General Hux had left Kylo Ren speechless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed the chapter, Let me know what you think and as always thank you so much for reading.
> 
> Edit* chapter 4 is on the way ;)


	4. Truth Hurts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here is chapter 4! Have been working a lot this week so it’s not very long but I hope you enjoy it and feedback would be greatly appreciated :D It inspires me to keep going!! Happy Reading! ❤️

Of one thing Hux was certain, he could not have been more wrong when he thought yesterday had been the worst day of his life to date. Nothing in the universe could have prepared him for the event that had just transpired. He had barely made it out of the control room, before he was on his knees again, gasping for breath. He didn’t register the passing droid stopping to chirp it’s concern, his only objective being to get as far away from Kylo Ren as he possibly could. Miraculously he had made it back to his room still on two feet, crashing through the door. He collapsed first on the bed, his body screaming to lie on something that wasn’t hard floor. Between Snoke and Kylo hurling him against walls and dragging him across floors his bruised body was feeling the effects. No sooner had he lay down, he was up again, hyperventilation causing him to retch. Lying now on his washroom floor, trying to control the heaving coming from the pit of his stomach, he fought back the tears that were threatening to come.

How could he have been so foolish? What made him think that it had been a good idea? Kylo could not find one reasonable excuse for what he had just done. He knew he wasn’t looking for hidden plans against him. He would have felt the hostility from Hux if that were the case. Of all the things he had felt from him in these two days, real hostility wasn’t one of them, at least not towards him. He covered his face with his hands, sliding down the wall into a sitting position. He had yet to find the courage to leave the control room. The moment he had dropped Hux, his focus overcome by shock, the strength of the emotion that hit him was close to physical pain. Worse yet, something inside him, something he had long buried deep had wanted it, taking perverse pleasure in the feelings. He couldn’t lie to himself. He was losing control, everything he had been ordered to block out, rise above, for seven years was flooding back mercilessly, stabbing him like a hot poker. 

Having regained some composure or at least his ability to breathe, Hux uncurled himself from the ball he’d rolled into and inched himself towards the wall pulling himself up to sit on the ground. Breathing deeply, he checked he wasn’t going to throw up again, his stomach slowly settling. Wiping the beads of sweat off his forehead caused him to hiss through gritted teeth. His muscles were aching, aggravated by the hard surface, new bruises forming by the second. He swallowed thickly, his throat dry and catching. Resting against the wall for a few more minutes, desperation for a drink finally coaxed him off the floor. He leaned against the wall for a few moments as he got up to steady his still shaking legs, letting the light headedness pass. He was on the floor a long time he realised, noticing his watch. Going back into the room he grabbed water, gulping at it desperately as he made his way to sit clumsily on the bed. He clasped his hands together in an attempt to stop them shaking, heart still hammering in his chest. How could anything possibly get any worse for him, he thought. Eyes stinging, he wiped away the wetness and bit down hard on his trembling lip.

Abandon all emotion, abandon all ties, abandon all wants that didn’t serve the dark side. This was his first lesson from Snoke. Young, emotional and afraid it had been easier said than done. Snoke despised base urges, particularly human ones, telling him they caused weakness, could potentially be used against him. He had listened and obeyed without question like the dutiful apprentice he was. This part had not been incredibly difficult for him, he was almost glad of it. It was easier to bury the truth that gnawed at his insides, that had always made him feel like an outsider. He didn’t want to think about it, that would mean admitting it. Forcing the thoughts from his mind, Kylo paced the room like a caged lion, furious with himself, with Snoke, even with Hux, the unfortunate instigator to his breakdown. In his state of shock, before the guilt and remorse had knocked the wind out of him, he had replayed the scene he had taken forcefully from Hux several times. Each time, watching a little closer, allowing himself to focus less on Hux’s thoughts of him and more on the action taking place. There was no point in trying to convince himself that he wanted to unsee it. 

The first order was doomed. He’d better learn to accept that fact swiftly. Facing Kylo Ren again was not on his agenda. If he was honest with himself, at this moment he’d rather die than have to see him, to see anything. Everything he had worked so hard to achieve had crashed and burned around him. All he had was his army and his position. Thinking about Starkiller base still caused his chest to constrict, then the Dreadnaught and what happened on Crait, there was no end to his failure. To add insult to injury, most of it was Kylo’s damn fault! Sat on the floor next to his bed, he slugged from another of the assorted bottles he’d gathered around him. He was becoming quite the pro, he thought wryly. At least Snoke was dead before the Crait fiasco, had he been alive Hux would surely have been murdered on the spot for allowing it to happen. Not that it was his fault, he seethed. Even if they could have somehow made it work with Kylo as the Supreme Leader and continued their vision, it was all fucked now. Why had Kylo done that to him? What had he achieved only to dumbfound himself and humiliate Hux to the core. He leaned forward to rest his head on his knees, anger pulsing through him, yet try as he might, he couldn’t hate the bastard. 

“Sir?..”. Kylo heard the voice behind him. He was attempting to skulk back to his room where he could hide and be shamefaced in peace. Rolling his eyes with a sigh, he turned slowly to face the unnerved looking guard. “Yes?...”. Like a lightbulb switching on, he was smacked by a realisation. He couldn’t feel anything from anyone else, just Hux. Why Hux alone?. His musings were interrupted by the guard he had forgotten was standing in front of him. “We don’t know what to do sir...”. He hadn’t heard a word. “What are you talking about?”, he asked wearily, not wanting to deal with anything that required effort. He had not felt so human in years. The terrified guard cleared his throat. “Sir..one of our divisions are under attack..they were searching for information on the ground.” Kylo stared in confusion at the guard, who was beginning to sweat. “I don’t know what you want from me?...”, he said slowly, jaw clenched. “Sir, General Hux isn’t on the bridge...he isn’t answering our alerts either...no one is giving any orders.”. Of course Hux wasn’t on the bridge and who’s fault was that, he reminded himself. Kylo clenched his fists and followed the guard. 

Entering the bridge, he was greeted by an array of nervous faces, some verging on sheer panic. “Sir!..”, a soldier quickly approached. “One of our..”, he stared to say but Kylo quickly interrupted. “Yes I know..just..send more troops down”, he said dismissively, turning to leave. Had they really needed him for something so simple. “Sir?..”, the soldier squeaked after him. If he could breathe fire, this would be the moment for it. “What?.....”, he turned and eyed the men in front him dangerously. The soldier was teetering on a panic attack, gulping loudly. “We just need you to authorise the division, give clearance to the hanger..and organise the register...as to which stormtroo....”, his words faded off. Kylo had gone a deep shade of scarlett. In the silence, the ping of a small lightbulb exploding caused the room to jump. 

Storming down the corridors, Kylo was smouldering. He did not have the first idea of how to command an army, organize registers, or to do Hux’s job in any way at all. There was no point in trying, everyone in the room would be dead within the hour. He wasn’t cut out for it, the job required someone like Hux, organised, efficient, decisive, perfecting his every move. Kylo knew this. He had been the Supreme Leader for just under two days and he was falling apart, the soldiers were falling apart and because of his stupidity, Hux, he was sure was also falling apart. Great job, he chided himself. He tried to ignore the fact that his legs were beginning to move slower the closer he got to Hux’s room, a slow dread creeping in on the anger. His heart was hammering loudly in his chest as he reached the door, stepping towards it with trepidation. He curled his hands into his sweaty palms, if he was ever sure about something this was it, he needed him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed!


	5. Aftermath.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo goes to find Hux after stealing his thoughts. They have a confrontation. I’m shit at summaries.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, new chapter! I hope you enjoy it! As always feedback and comments give me inspo! sooo appreciated! Thank you so much for reading ❤️ Can’t belive people enjoy it lol

“Hux?..”,kylo’s voice echoed in the quiet room. Squinting, he peered into the darkness. He was in here, he could feel him. A cocktail of emotions swirled around him. Anger, worry, fear, exhaustion mixed with a generous helping of indignation. It made his head throb. He surveyed the mess surrounding him first. It was a far cry from Hux’s usual pristine standards. The contents of a nearby table littered the floor, some broken glass scattered, as if someone had crashed through it. He saw the bottles first, his eyes moving up to see the shadowy lump leaning against the bed. “Hux?...”, he said again. No answer. If the pounding in his own head was anything to go by, he was sure Hux could hear his heart drumming. Steadying his voice, he attempted to sound stern, “I’m going to turn up the lights now...”, he announced. Blinking his own eyes as light permeated the room, his gaze focused on Hux. He could see now most of the bottles were empty. Hux stared back at him with red rimmed eyes, his struggle to focus obvious by the way his head was swaying. Kylo’s stomach knotted as he took in the unusual sight. His hair was sticking up at the back, in the front some of it matted to his forehead. His face was pale but his cheeks tear stained and blotchy. He had discarded his jacket and boots, wearing just his uniform pants and a sleeveless muscle shirt. 

Please say something, please say something, Kylo repeated to himself, shifting uncomfortably. He wasn’t equipped to deal with these situations, he couldn’t keep a lid on his own meltdowns. Given what they both now knew, the situation was even more unbearable. The fact that Hux couldn’t get inside his head gave him some comfort, however he felt his face heat up regardless. The silence in the room was deafening as they watched each other. “Why?....”, Hux spoke quietly. So relieved he had spoken at all, Kylo didn’t register the question. “I need you on the bridge right now, there’s registers and clearance...that need...they need..I just need you on the bridge...” he broke off feebly. He felt like an idiot but he really didn’t know what he was talking about. He didn’t need too, had never needed to. He was always the physical weapon. Hux was the strategic weapon. That was how Snoke wanted it. Waiting for a response, he was beginning to feel uneasy about the way Hux was staring at him, eyes blazing. The emotions were difficult to decipher given the amount of alcohol fuelling them. Something was building though, he could feel it. He reminded himself he had the physical and at this moment mental advantage. His breathing was accelerating, why the hell was he feeling so damn vulnerable. A wave of panic was creeping over him again. He exhaled loudly. “can you please get off the floor!”, he demanded. It came out far snappier than he had intended it to. 

“OH FUCK OFF!!..”, Hux roared back at him. The fury in his voice caused Kylo to physically step backwards. "Thats rich coming from you!...”. Hux was clambouring unsteadily to his feet, kicking bottles out of his way. Kylo resisted the urge to help him navigate the mess. He had seen him angry more times than he could recall but this was on a scale he had never seen. “YOU! You who can throw as many fucking tantrums as you like! Do whatever you like! What’s Lord Ren going to smash during today’s episode?!. Well tell me who the fuck was sobbing on the floor like a child while the last of those rebel’s flew away in that fucking bucket of rust!. You ruined everything!”. He was closing in on Kylo who was still stepping backwards as if he was sizing him up. “Your a self pitying child!”, he spat. Kylo couldn’t speak, dumbfounded by the rant, until his back hit the wall. “ Wait..”, he tried to speak but Hux cut him off. “What are you going to do Supreme Leader?”, he jeered, jabbing him in the chest. “Choke me? Throw me at something? Go ahead!”. Kylo watched the livid man in front of him, the smell of alcohol reminded him of a childhood being dragged through dusty bars on resistance business. He hated the smell, hated anything that reminded him of them. Hux had stopped shouting and was now eyeballing Kylo angrily, daring him to speak. 

“You know who you are speaking too?...”, Kylo snarled. Rage welled up in his chest. He stepped away from the wall. Putting his hand on Hux’s chest, ignoring the way his stomach jumped, he shoved him backwards. To his credit, Hux only slightly lost his footing, batting Kylo’s hand away sharply. “Unfortunately yes I do..do you?”, Hux retorted, his mouth set in a hard line. Kylo breathed an incredulous laugh. He couldn’t help but be impressed with the courage whatever Hux was drinking had given him. He stepped back towards Kylo, tilting his head upwards, close enough that they were almost touching. Kylo could feel his body heat, the smell of the generic soap they all used. It smelt better than it usually did, intoxicating, he breathed it in. Stop it, he warned himself. “We could have ended them..it would have been that easy..”, Hux growled. They watched each other again, jaws clenched, faces inches apart. “Aren’t you going to fling me at the wall?..” Hux drawled, raising an eyebrow. “I could..”,Kylo’s mouth twitched at the corner, “but it might be an unfair advantage..given your current inebriation..”, he added. Hux scoffed, “We’re fucked anyway..”, turning away, he walked a few steps and picked up a bottle. Without warning, he picked up a holopad and threw it at Kylo. Only quick use of the force stopped it hitting him in the face. “Clearance codes are in there.”. The password is GAH1O..”. Hux walked into the washroom, bottle in hand.

Kylo remained motionless for a couple of seconds, looking from the holopad to the washroom. This wasn’t over, Hux wouldn’t just let what Kylo had done to him slide. Hux was scared off him sure but so was everyone. Nevertheless he always stood his ground against Kylo, always had unless he was forced into submission. His mind was racing. Shit! The reason he was here in the first place! Kylo sprinted out of the room, sliding around corners, he was panting as he burst onto the bridge. The panicked soldier from earlier was a fingernail away from a seizure. Kylo stared at him blankly before holding out the holopad. “The clearance codes are on here..”, he tried to keep his voice level, aware that he was now sweating profusely and visibly shaken. “Password is GAH10”. I trust you can take it from here”. The guard was already gone, everyone around him tapping at screens manically.

Outside the bridge, breathing heavily, Kylo leaned against the wall, chewing on his lower lip. This was all well and good right now but he needed Hux. He had to fix this. He couldn’t do this without him clearly. It was a rude awakening. He couldn’t replace Hux because he couldn’t trust anyone. And the thought of replacing him filled him with dread. No, they knew each other, to an extent, they knew how to deal with each other at least. Everything would have been fine if he had just ignored those stupid feelings. He banged the back of his head gently on the wall. Snoke had taught him how to rise above it but he had went and opened the door to it the moment it had knocked. He was exhausted, it felt like centuries rather than hours since he had Hux in the control room.

A medi-droid tailed him curiously as he ransacked the medbay. Hydration packs, something for the headache Hux was bound to wake up with, something for nausea?. He needed him in working order tomorrow, there was no two ways about it. He turned to ask the droid, realising it was in the middle of a diagnostic on him. "Stop it!", he slapped the small needle it proffered at him. "Theres nothing wrong with me!. I need something for nausea..", he asked it. The droid chirped mopily, retracting it's needle. It rolled in the direction of Kylos request returning with two pills. He folded them in his fist, marching out of the medbay. He felt he should knock again before entering Hux’s room. He was going in anyway but he may as well try to be polite. It was the least he could do. No answer. He walked in with the items in his hand. Hux was laying on his back on the couch opposite the bed. He appeared to be more sober than he had been. He’d obviously showered, evident by his wet hair, the smell of drink less potent. Fucking control yourself, Kylo barked in his own head. He stared at the table instead, dumping the items down.

“I brought you these, hydration pack, pills to stop any nausea”. He thought he might go back to the medbay later. This whole ordeal was making him nauseous. Hux said nothing, his face still sullen. He grudgingly stood up and trailed towards the table, careful to avoid touching or acknowledging Kylo’s presence. He poked around, picking up the four pills Kylo had laid out. Throwing them in his mouth, he crossed the room for water. Kylo watched him quietly. He was trying to camoflauge a limp, wincing as he lifted his shoulder to bring the glass to his mouth. Guilt was setting in, he dropped him on the floor, and threw him into the control panel in the shuttle. Hux was so steady and capable sometimes Kylo forgot he was human. “You can leave now..”, Hux interrupted his thought. He was coming back to the table, picking up the remaining item. “You’ve got what you needed”. He held up the pack. “I’m not getting a day off clearly! I’ll be on the bridge in the morning.” He walked back to the couch and sat down. Digging his knuckles into his eyes, he finally looked up. “The least you can do is leave me alone...”. The sentence hung in the air.

“Why were you thinking about me?..” Kylo blurted accidently. He bit his tongue, immediately feeling the colour drain from his face. Hux’s eyes flickered in surprise before he scowled at Kylo. "Does it really matter?", he snapped, tearing angrily at the hydration pack. Kylo couldn't bring himself to answer, but had the grace to look ashamed. He lowered his eyes to the floor waiting for Hux to go on. "Anyway I wasn't, my brain was just...in overdrive... I couldn’t focus on anything... Just forget it okay. We’re done.”. His cheeks were flushed as he spoke. “I’ll be back to sort out this shit show tomorrow.”. He looked up at Kylo, trying to read the expression on his face. An uneasy feeling came over Hux, he had to be wrong but Kylo looked almost disappointed. Of course he’d just lied but he expected Kylo would look relieved. The fact that his second in command didn’t get off on thoughts of him on the regular was a good thing surely. Kylo’s stare held the same intensity it had in the control room. Hux’s stomach turned. “No..”, Kylo said blankly. “we’re not done..”. With that, he turned and left the room. Hux waved his arms in exasperation. What the fuck. He buried his head in the couch, half yelling, half growling into the pillow. Who exactly had he pissed off to deserve this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!!


	6. Can’t Hide It.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo just can’t leave Hux alone. He needs any excuse to be be with him. It ends in a shock for both of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter before I get into the real good stuff! Thanks to everyone who is reading! ❤️ Feedback appreciated! :D

Waking up the following morning, Hux groaned. His head hurt despite the offerings Kylo had brought last night. Gingerly he opened his eyes, squinting as the lights came on. What would happen if he didn’t get up, he wondered. Kylo would come and get him obviously but by the time he did maybe Hux could get a few more hours sleep. No, he couldn’t stay holed up forever, the First Order would collapse around him. If there was something of it left to salvage, it was up to him to do so. Because a certain someone else had proved himself incapable. This provided Hux a small bit of smug comfort. He kicked off his blanket. Stretching as he walked to the washroom, he noticed his shoulder was feeling worse. He’d have to go to the medbay, something definitely got damaged when Kylo threw him. Anger welled in his stomach, he tried desperately not to think about last night, busying himself with looking presentable and not hungover. He couldn’t forget the strange look on Kylo’s face and why wouldn’t he just let it go. It was embarrassing enough for both of them already. He splashed water on his face, looking in the mirror. None of it made any sense.

The bridge went silent as he entered, his soldiers watching him with both curious and relieved expressions. “Good to see you Sir!”, one soldier approached him with a report and his holopad. “I imagine it is,” he replied taking both. “Was the situation on the ground handled?”. The soldier nodded. “Yes sir, once we had the codes, we sent back up, no casualties.”. Hux walked to the viewpoint, tapping at his holopad. “Excellent, did they get any closer to locating the resistance? We are all aware that is to be priority!”. The soldier looked nervous, not meeting Hux’s eye. “Well no Sir..they came under attack waiting for orders..we couldn’t get hold of you Sir..and Lord R..Supreme Leader...well he..I didn’t like to bring up the resistance to him..you know how he can be...”, he said quietly. For the first time in a very long time Hux laughed. The last time he had laughed he was waiting outside the audience chamber to see Snoke. Kylo was being reprimanded for something and Snoke had force thrown him out the door, landing him at Hux’s feet. Kylo still held a grudge against him for laughing, he was sure of it. How was Kylo going to manage leading The First Order. He was so irrational even the soldiers were afraid to approach him with important issues. Well, that was no good if Hux wasn’t around for any reason. There would be no one in control. 

He grunted as the medi-droid rotated his shoulder. A sharp pain made him yelp. “Yes! It hurts! Can we stop examining and fix it!,” he grumbled, holding his shoulder away from the droid. The droid chirped at him, confirming a sprain and tissue damage. Oh great, thanks asshole!, he thought wearily. Just what he needed. Accepting pain killers and grudgingly a sling to wear, he certainly wouldn’t be wearing it on the bridge, he left the medbay. He was wearing the sling, the droid insisting on putting it on for him. Gloomily, he trailed back to his quarters. 

Kylo lay on his bed in the dark. There were so many emotions coursing through his body, he didn’t know how to separate them. He tried to focus on each of them in an attempt to understand but it was impossible. He knew he felt wrong for doing what he did to Hux but why should he feel wrong or guilty?, he was the supreme Leader, he could do whatever he wanted. If he wanted to throw him at every wall on this ship and dig through his thoughts daily then he could do that. He had no one to answer too anymore. But somehow it wasnt that easy. He had let a wall down and now he was suffering the consequences. His head pounded with the stress. He was no longer used to such raw feelings. They felt alien to him, anger being the only one he was still familiar with. He should have went back to the medbay for nausea pills after he left Hux. He could do with them now. The idea of having to go and get them was killing him. He couldn’t lay here anymore though, his mind was going to drive him crazy if he did.

As he rounded the corner to his quarters, Hux stopped dead. Kylo was outside his door peering at it suspiciously. Hux’s heart sank. What did he want?. He couldn’t leave him alone for just one day. Fleetingly, he thought about turning around but what was the point. He would find him anyway. Kylo didn’t notice him approach. He was engrossed in the door, as if he was trying to figure out if Hux was in there or not. He jumped as Hux cleared his throat. “Oh..there you are”, frowning, he looked from Hux to the sling. “Yeah thanks for that..stuck with this inconvenience for a week,” Hux attempted to wave the arm. “It’s not broken?..,” Kylo pressed. The semblance of concern unnerved Hux. “No, just a sprain, it’s fine,” he brushed it off. He hadn’t forgotten Kylo’s last words to him the previous night and it was the last thing he wanted to deal with. “Do you need something?..,” he asked. Kylo held up some papers. “I wanted to speak to you about our future plans, the Officials are asking questions already and I need some things explained. Hux sighed, wishing he had come to him during the day. He opened his door, gesturing Kylo inside.

He tried to ignore the awkwardness in the air between them. Kylo wavered between the chair at the desk and the couch. Hux ignored him so he perched on the desk chair and waited. In the refresher, Hux leaned against the wall, wishing he was anywhere else. He just wanted one evening to relax. Every waking moment since Crait had been a nightmare, worse than a nightmare. Kylo sat quietly watching while he took of his jacket and hung it up. Fuck this, he needed a drink. He didn’t miss Kylo raising an eyebrow as he grabbed a tumbler. On a whim, he grabbed a second one, turning to look at him. “Do you want one?..,” he held it up. Kylo hesitated, peering at the glass and Hux. After a moment, he nodded slowly. Hux poured two glasses of whiskey. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad, he would answer the questions then Kylo would leave and with any luck nothing would be mentioned regarding that awful situation. He saw Kylo noticably tense. It was like he knew something. He wasn’t reading his mind though, he would know if he was. The memory made him angry, Kylo tensed again. He needed to get this done and him out of here. Picking up his holopad and handing Kylo his drink, he sat on the couch.

It hadn’t gone too badly, Kylo was slow enough at first to understand why everything needed to be so unbelievably precise, his impulsive nature showing. He had sniffed his drink curiously before knocking it back, visibly relaxing. He had even taken a second helping. They had almost been talking companionably, both getting caught up in the success they craved. The atmosphere while still tense was not as bad as it had been. Still, Hux wanted him to leave, he was furious with him still and no less embarrassed. “So that is where we are so far, it’s not much but it’s a start,” Hux got up and placed his glass on the countertop. Kylo didn’t move, still looking absently at the pages. Hux crossed the room retrieving Kylo’s glass then, placing it with his own, hoping he would get the message. Still he showed no sign of leaving. Hux sighed and stretched his good arm dramatically. “Long day,” he said to the air. “There is something I meant to ask you,” Kylo looked at him sheepishly, “can I use your shower?... there is something wrong with my water supply”. Hux stared at him in horror. What was he supposed to do, refuse?, he couldn’t refuse. Kylo was waiting hopefully. “Uh...your wat..and can’t you fix it? Is there nowhere else?,” he asked desperately. He didn’t care if he sounded unreasonable. He wanted to be left the hell alone. “The communal trooper one?...,” Kylo said dismally. Hux knew when he was defeated. “Fine..why not”. He poured another drink.

His shower wasn’t broken. He didn’t know why he had said that. He knew Hux wanted him to leave but he just didn’t want to be alone again. But now he was standing in Hux’s washroom having no choice but to have a shower he didn’t need. He pulled off his clothes angrily, stepping into the shower. How was he fucking everything up so badly, he’d barely been Supreme Leader a week. He was tired, the drink hitting him slowly. It had been years since he drank, he couldn’t even remember the last time. He was a teenager for sure. Leaning against the wall, he wondered what he was going to do about this eruption inside him. He had to block it all out again, there was nothing else he could do about it. He reminisced about Snokes training. Feeling pulled one to the light. He couldn’t allow that to happen. Only anger served the dark side. He had worked hard to learn that. He also couldn’t stay in this shower all night, he realised. He’d been here quite a while. He reached for the towel rack, empty. He looked around the room, no towels. Why would there be, he thought grimly. That would make life too easy.

Stiff as a board, Hux sat uncomfortably on the edge of the couch, listening to the water running. How much longer did he need, if he always showered this long, no wonder his was broken, he thought grumpily. He obviously had no concept of overstaying ones welcome either. He was relieved to hear the water turn off, finally he could be left to wallow in peace. He finished what was left of his glass and got up to gather Kylo’s pages. He waited by the desk for several minutes but there was no sign of Kylo emerging. Annoyed, he approached the door, “Everything okay?,” he asked hesitantly. After a moment, he got a muffled reply. “No towels?...”. Shit, laundry day! He darted to the bedroom where a pile of fresh towels lay, grabbing two he hurried back. At the door he froze. His heart started to pound rapidly. What now, another step closer and the door would open. He couldn’t go in, maybe a few days ago he could have but not now. Was he in or out of the shower? He didn’t have towels either way so it didn’t matter. Maybe he should go in with his eyes closed. Shut up you idiot, he yelled in his head, just give him the towels. “Hello?,” Kylo’s voice came through the door. 

Kylo’s heart was in his mouth as the door opened. He couldn’t meet Hux’s eye as he entered the room slowly. The tension in the air was thick, he could feel it, worming it’s way into his head, the silence deafening. He was still standing behind the glass, not wanting to step out and wet the floor. He stole a glance upwards. Hux looked physically pained, his eyes glued to the floor as he walked slowly across the room. Kylo watched him, as if in slow motion until he was close enough to hand over the towels. In their mutual panic, it hadn’t occurred to either of them that he could have thrown them. Stepping out of the shower, he stopped directly in front of Hux, his panic subsided, being replaced with a feeling both old and familiar. While Hux’s gaze was still fixed firmly on the floor, Kylo took in the man in front of him. A burning sensation rippled through his body. Reaching for the towel, their fingers brushed lightly, sending a jolt through both of them. He felt it the air changing dramatically, the nervous tension giving way to something else. Swallowing, Hux had moved his eyes from the floor to look at their fingers entwined on the towel, nervously glancing over Kylo’s body. They were both hyper aware that he was naked. As their eyes finally met, the only sound in the small room was their shallow breathing. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading!!! ❤️


	7. Revelations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo and Hux have no choice but to talk now. It’s too late to turn back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! So this is the chapter before we get some smut in here xD I think it’s time! I would really appreciate feedback on this! Thank you so much to anyone who has stuck with it so far! My first Star Wars fic! :D thanks always for reading! ❤️❤️
> 
> Smut is on the way dears!! Haha

Neither of them moved for several seconds. They had both yet to let go of the towel their hands were holding onto. Hux swallowed thickly as Kylo’s eyes burned into his. He wondered whether he was going to hurt him again. It would only take him seconds to know Hux had lied when he said he hadn’t intentionally been thinking about him. Well, not intentionally but he hadn’t stopped himself. He hated to admit even to himself, occasionally the thoughts had entered his head before but he was quick to chase them away, just not quick enough that night. Kylo raising a questioning eyebrow caused his pulse to quicken. As if he could hear what he was thinking. The possibility made his face flush, he looked back to the ground. The whole situation was unfair, everything was fucking unfair. He didn’t care if Kylo hurt him again, he would just drink some more to numb the pain and go to sleep. The idea was comforting, get rid of Ren and drink until he was asleep. That’s what he he would do. 

Angrily, he dropped the towel, turning to leave. Kylo caught his arm quickly. He froze, staring at the door, willing him to let go. But he didn’t, he pulled him back gently, forcing him to turn around. Still not speaking, he stared at him intently. Hux did his best to stare back defiantly. “It won’t make it stop”, Kylo finally spoke, in a hushed tone. “What?..won’t make what stop?,” Hux answered, confusion setting across his features. “Drinking...it won’t make the pain stop, won’t undo what already is..,” Kylo shrugged. Was he somehow in his head again?. Hux glared at him accusingly until his rationale reminded him he had been drinking constantly in Kylo’s presence these few days. Well fuck him, what did he know about Hux’s pain or anyone else’s for that matter. He was innately selfish. He cared nothing for the order or anyone in it. Hux couldn’t take it anymore. The anxiety was eating him up inside, he could feel it now, gnawing in his gut. Something had to give, he was either going to smash everything in sight or he was going to burst into tears, he wasn’t sure which. “What do you want?,” he asked, his voice pleading. “Why are you here! I cannot understand why you would intentionally be here!”. 

“Because...you lied,” Kylo said quietly. “I can feel when someone is lying to me. I can feel you...,” his eyes flicked to the floor. “Since Crait...when you touched me, I felt everything you felt...every emotion...I felt you the night you were outside my room..i couldn’t block you out..I tried but it was too strong...and then..something happened...you were uncomfortable around me and I didn’t know what it was....In hindsight I shouldn’t have done what I did but I had to know...,” he broke off, looking back into Hux’s narrowed eyes. “Some people would ask!..,” Hux snapped. “You would have lied anyway,” Kylo retorted simply. “I am confused...why?...why me?,” he asked. Hux was about to protest, to tell him he was wrong but stopped himself. He knew when he was lying so what was the point. He looked despondently past Kylo, into the shower.

“I don’t know...I didn’t mean too..I was...look, your not an idiot..sometimes in the middle of..things...certain things come into your head..that you wouldn’t consciously think about”. His face was beginning to burn. Kylo wrapped the towel slowly around his waist, reminding them both that he was still naked. Hux trained his eyes directly on Kylo’s face waiting for him to speak. “But...do you ever consciously think about it..”. It was Hux’s turn to be surprised. The tone in Kylo’s voice was strange, not so much curious as hopeful. Yet his expression remained the same, sullen and threatening. He couldn’t figure out what the likely outcome of this conversation would be. What was the right answer? Yes Supreme Leader, I have consciously thought about you. No Supreme Leader, I have never. “You can’t always control what your thinking about!..or maybe you can..not the same as the rest of us mere mortals in any sense so..,” Hux said snidely. He turned on his heel back to the living area. Grabbing the bottle roughly off the countertop, he sloshed the liquid on his front. He cursed, jumping backwards his elbow knocking one of the glasses, smashing it on the floor. He kicked the shards of glass furiously before pouring the drink.

Kylo followed him into the room. “I wouldn’t know..it’s not something I indulge in...I’ve been trained not too..”. Hux’s eyes widened as he stared at him incredulously. Firstly how dare he be so comfortable as to traipse around in a towel while discussing mastubation habits, in Hux’s room no less, that he was not invited to in the first place. Not to mention after practically killing him in that control room, for things that were none of his business. This is what started this whole sorry situation in the first place. Leaning his head back against the couch, Hux pinched the bridge of his nose. “Your human Ren, underneath it all..give me a break...surely you have had at least some uncontrolled thoughts when...”. Kylo cut him off sharply, speaking over him “Jedi practice celibacy..so no. And Snoke despised base urges..so that was that”. Hux knocked back his drink, studying Kylo, his expression puzzled.

For a moment he was at a loss for words. “You mean to tell me...that you haven’t..but...in..how long?,” he said slowly, his mouth hanging slightly open. He couldn’t stop himself from asking. He was too curious. His jaw all but fell when he saw Kylo’s cheeks flush. This can’t be happening, this conversation. His stomach tightened again, how was this happening. Maybe it was an exceptionally long nightmare. Please let it be a nightmare. He poured another glass. “I don’t really remember...obviously at the start of Jedi training we didn’t really obey that rule..but then it got easier..for me anyway. Kylo bit his lip. He hadn’t meant to say the last part. Hux watched him curiously, waiting for him to continue. Kylo looked down, remembering he was wearing only a towel. He wished he had just left earlier after their meeting. He rubbed his face and sighed. “It was easier for you?..why?.,” Hux cocked his head, braver in his questioning. Kylo’s guard was clearly as down as it was ever going to be, judging by his change in demeanor.

Kylo ignored the question, jaw clenching. “You still haven’t answered my question,” he rounded on Hux. “Do you ever consciously think about it?..,” he asked. Chewing the inside of his cheek, Hux became fascinated by a string on his sleeve. “Think about what exactly?,” he pulled the offending string off and turned his attention back to Kylo. Taken by surprise, Kylo stuttered, “About..what you were...me!.. ,” he said finally. Hux watched him struggle to ask the question. It was quite obvious he was afraid of the answer. Which answer he was afraid of, Hux would like to have known. He looked at the drink in his hand, swilling it around. Lying wasnt an option. Fuck it, what’s the worst that could happen. He’d just get hurt or be dead. At this point he didn’t care much about either.

“Yes”,” he answered simply. He looked defiantly at Kylo. “I don’t walk around daily thinking about it, I don’t go to work thinking about it..but yes is the answer. Have I thought about it before? Of course! I never use it as fuel for..well until that time, I let myself ..and look where that got me,” he laughed humorlessly, raising the glass. He was quickly getting drunk now, his mouth running away with him. Kylo made no motion to move or speak. “Don’t ask me why because I really don’t know. So there you go..Supreme Leader..do what you will with me.. I don’t care..just make it quick!,” he snarled, gulping his drink. He choked, instinctively cowering as the glass was slapped out of his hand, the remainder splashing his already wet shirt. The second smashed glass of the night. Head down, he waited for whatever was about to happen. But it didn’t come. He lifted his swimming head to look for Kylo. 

Surprisingly, he was sitting tamely on the couch beside him. Hux slid further towards the other end, as far away as he could get. “I didn’t mean to break it... I forget how easily breakable things are.,” Kylo said in an attempt at apology. “General?...breathe!,” he half yelled, reaching towards him. Hux gasped, leaning away, he had been holding his breath the whole time. “What the fuck?!,” he looked from Kylo to the glass. Kylo shrugged. “All you’re doing is numbing yourself. At what point is it enough? It will only destroy you, you need to stop,” he said firmly. “Oh what the fuck do you know about it?,” Hux reacted angrily. “Your barely human as it is,” he spat. “We don’t all have the luxury of destroying everything around us just because we feel like it! Some of us have other ways of coping! And it’s none of your concern actually!”. Hux stood up unsteadily. “Nothing about me is your concern! Just leave!,” he gestured aggressively towards the door. Kylo stood up slowly, moving towards him. “I can help..,” he said. Hux scoffed, fighting the lump in his throat. “I can show you other ways of coping with your mind”. This time Hux laughed. “As if I would intentionally let you in my mind..I’m still awaiting punishment from last time”. Confusion flickered across Kylo’s face. “Punishment?...what for?”. They were now separated by only a few inches. Tentatively, Kylo reaches his hand out and laid it on Hux’s shoulder, sliding it slowly down his chest, watching him closely. When he didn’t protest, he moved closer until they were almost pressed together, separated only by fabric. 

Hux couldn’t meet Kylo’s eyes as his hand stopped to rest on his side. The sting in his eyes was threatening to become something more. He had been in a lot of situations in his life but nothing felt as dangerous as this one. Or as right. Kylo watched him curiously as if testing him to see how he was going to react. Hux squeezed his eyes closed as his lip began to tremble.. In a fluid move Kylo wrapped both arms around his shoulders and pulled him in. The action made him lose control. He sobbed quietly, allowing his head to rest on Kylos chest. They stayed this way for a while. It felt strange to Hux, he had never let himself lose control like this in front of anyone. Kylo was certainly the last person he wanted to see any weakness in him. Regardless, there was a comfort in this that he was surprised to feel. He found himself leaning closer to the other man. His skin was warm, radiating heat. Hux sniffed and moved his head as Kylo’s hand gently ran through his hair, resting on the back of his head. He supposed this is how Kylo felt on Crait. Although Kylo had mentioned something about feeling emotions, he couldn’t recall but made a mental note to ask. 

When he had calmed down enough, he pulled away, wiping his eyes. Embarrassed, he cleared his throat, looking at the floor. Despite everything, he was still confused about why Kylo was not losing his mind over what he saw in Hux’s head. The conversation, as much as he didn’t want it too, had to happen. Kylo was avoiding it too but there was something strange going on with him. Hux regarded him quietly. He was still wearing just the towel. “You should get dressed..,” he suggested, trying to keep his voice steady. Kylo pondered for a moment then his expression changed. He looked decisive about something. “Have a shower,” he nodded to Hux. “What?..I don’t need..,” he began. “Your covered in drink and your a ball of emotions,” kylo said. “It’s hurting my head..you need to relax..go..I’ll be here”.


	8. Have you lost your mind?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay new chapter! I accidentally deleted half of it and had to rewrite so that was painful lol I hope you like it! Things are moving very quickly for these guys. Comments make me happy and I’d love to know what you think. As always! Thanks for reading!! ❤️

Hux sat on the floor of his shower, knees up, his head leaning against the wall. He ran his hands through his wet hair. His mind was a blur running through the events of the last few hours and days. Something was happening to Kylo Ren and it was impossible to tell whether this something was for the better or the worse. His stomach knotted as he tried to make sense of it. One thing was certain, Kylo was still dangerous, his inability to control his emotions could be fatal for others and catastrophic for the Order. He was essentially akin to a wild animal and one had to be on guard with him at all times. But something inside him, a tamer something was surfacing. The problem was his difficulty in controlling this resurfacing side of himself. Perhaps without Snoke watching his every thought and move, there was something left of the human he had once been. Freedom of thought was something he had long been deprived of. Still, this didn’t help the situation Hux now found himself in. He had to go back in there, had to face Kylo. The situation had become more embarrassing now that he had broken down not too mention Kylo’s reaction to it. The way he had been looking at him made no sense. And why would he not punish him?.

Kylo was drinking a cup of caf, his eyes bloodshot. He had not been sleeping any better than Hux had. He was still wearing just the towel. Hux flushed with annoyance as he realised they were both now wearing only towels. He would die in nothing but this if the conversation went the wrong way. How embarrassing. Given his recent bout of luck, it did seem fitting, he supposed. Who would find him? Mitaka, he hoped, at least he might try to tell a more dignified story to the rest of his men. He went to his bedroom to put on pants, he was not dying in a towel. When he returned, he noticed that the broken glass had been cleared away, left in a small pile next to the trash. Kylo broke the silence. “Want one?,” he gestured to the caf. Hux bit back the urge to ask Kylo who he thought he was to be offering him his own caf in his own quarters. “I believe we might need something stronger for this no?,” he sighed instead, his eyes flicking to the remaining whiskey.

Grudgingly, Kylo nodded. He was too nervous about how this situation was going to play out to argue. His eyes followed Hux across the room. He was surprised to see Hux was only wearing pants, he hadn’t put a shirt on. Kylo remained at the table, watching him pour a glass and sit heavily on the couch. He didn’t offer offer him one. In the silence, Kylo observed him. His hair was so much darker when it was wet, it almost looked brown. A memory flashed in his head, both him and Hux training,ignoring each other of course. He was surprised by Hux’s lack of gel in his hair, the way it flopped silkily over his forehead. He has been a little taken aback by the good physical shape the other man was in. His uniform did him no justice. While smaller than Kylo, he was lean and sturdy. His gaze ran over Hux’s torso, his chest, flat stomach, he was well built really. His stomach lurched as Hux caught his eye, he looked away quickly, picking up his caff and going to sit on the other side of the couch. Hux toyed with his glass for a moment, swirling the drink before he spoke. 

“Right....I don’t know how much of a conversation is necessary...so I’ll do my best. Im sure we would both prefer it to be quick. I’m going to apologise for my...lack of control, with my thoughts.... not that they were your business, mind”, he couldn’t help but throw in, “obviously recent circumstances have taken a toll...I think we have both embarrassed ourselves enough already so best to just forget about it..tolerate each other..as normal,” he swigged his drink, swishing it around in his mouth. He studied the floor waiting for Kylo to speak.

“Are men generally the object of your thoughts, General?,” Kylo asked, casually, after a short silence. For the second time that night, Hux choked on his drink. Anger pulsed through him. Was this bastard finding this amusing! He whipped his head around, glowering, his face a picture of shock. Indignantly, he opened his mouth to defend himself but quickly closed it again. Looking at Kylo’s expression, it was neither smug nor mocking, just a look of genuine questioning on his face. “I mean, you weren’t thinking of anyone else so...”. Kylo screwed up his face, treading carefully with his next sentence. “I checked afterwards again...just ..incase I missed anything...I had to be sure!,” he said defensively.

Hux exhaled loudly, his face turning an angry shade of purple as the realization dawned on him. “I beg your pardon! you watched it again!!..what? Like once you see it, you can rewatch?!,” his purple face quickly turned white. And that’s your excuse! To check it was just you alone!”. He was furious. “Okay...yes I fucking thought about it! We know this! Not a smart move, I’m aware! It’s safe to say this is the most humiliating situation I have ever found myself in and you are just intent on making it worse! Is it your mission in life to make mine fucking miserable!,” he snarled, his lips curling. He would have given anything to pummel this guy. “What is this anyway?”. He waved his hand between the two of them. “A game? Why not just murder me? We both know you would love too!”. His eyes blazed with anger.

Kylo looked affronted. “I don’t want to murder you, you anger me at times..a lot..but your too much of an asset to the order to murder,” he stated, infuriatingly sincere. “And commanding an army is not my..forte,” he admitted. “Oh..well thanks!,” Hux spat back sarcastically. “Thats great! Makes sense, I suppose, why kill me when you can just spend your time fucking with me for your own amusement instead. And have me run the order for you to go with it!”. Kylo’s expression hardened but Hux was too angry to stop. “So tell me, were you embarrassed by your display on Crait? Worked out perfect for you then didn’t it?. Is that what this is about? You found a way to put me back in my place, something to hold over me. You’ve had a good recap of it anyway it seems! So in what way are you going to use it against me? Well?..come on!,” he shouted. “What other reason have you to be here?”

“I don’t know!,” Kylo was beginning to lose his cool. The lights flickered. Hux watched him nervously. Perhaps goading him hadn’t been smart. “I don’t know..,” he said quieter. “I didn’t ask for this to happen! One minute, everything was fine and then..then you..I could feel everything! And I didn’t know what you were hiding..what was I supposed to do?,” he shouted. At this, Hux scowled furiously. “So summoning me to that room so you could dig through my head was a good idea?,” he shouted back.

“No it wasn’t a good idea!”. Kylo struggled to look at him, his eyes moving from the floor, to the viewpoint, anywhere but Hux. He licked his lips nervously, about to speak again but changing his mind. Hux waited, his lips set in a hard line. Kylo was so incredibly frustrating. He really wasn’t capable of discussing or expressing anything other than his daily outbursts. Kylo rubbed his hand across his jaw, “I...uh..always felt like something was wrong...with me...because..I wasn’t interested...in what...,”he stopped, his breathing accelerating. “The Jedi celibacy was a relief...when I was sent to Luke first...because I didn’t have to think about...urrrrgh,”he growled at his own inability to speak, dropping his head.

Hux stared at him in confusion, glancing at his shaking hands, the way his chest was heaving slightly. “What the fuck are you talking about?,” he shook his head, brows furrowed. Kylo huffed, running his hand through his hair, clenching and unclenching his fists. “When I saw what you were thinking..I panicked..and .it all just came back...,” he stuttered over his words, his face flushing. Hux was getting more annoyed, he still couldn’t make sense of it. “Okay..you panicked..right..fair enough...it would make more sense to pretend it didn’t happen if you ask me and leave it at that but here you are, making absolutely no sense! What are you trying to say? I was thinking about you and all of what came back?,” he threw his hands in the air wildly. Kylo grimaced. “No! Your not getting it! Not just because it was me personally!...because it was..Im a...”.

What the hell are you talking...Oh!..,” Hux stared at him open mouthed, the realization dawning. Kylo was staring at the floor like he had never seen one before, drumming his leg. Hux was shocked into silence, unsure how to respond. The situation had flipped and Kylo was now the vulnerable one. Admitting what he had to Hux definitely wasn’t smart, Hux concluded. Still, Kylo had done it, his guard was down and shattered, he must think he can trust him to some extent. Hux swallowed, trying to think of the right words. “So it was that I was thinking about a man that..brought things back?...,” Hux said slowly. Kylo nodded at the floor. “Right...Okay...so I’m going to go ahead and guess you..related to that...”. Kylo nodded again, the corner of his mouth twitching. “And it’s something you have avoided for a long time,” he stated finally, “Okay..”. Hux looked around, waiting for the shock to wear off. He observed Kylo, the way his quick breaths were making his chest heave, his face clouded. “And...Why do you care so much about it?,” Hux asked, “your aware know no one cares what you do behind closed doors”. Kylo kept his eyes on the floor, chewing his lip.

“I was young..being dragged around to bars and places..anywhere the resistance had allies. Men would talk...I could never relate to any of it...then when I was older..peers..other Jedi students would talk...again, couldn’t ever relate. I didn’t understand, I felt like I wasn’t normal, I was just waiting for someone to say anything that would make it seem okay...but they didn’t. It was eating me up. So I was secretly happy with the celibacy. Like I said, it meant I was forced to forget about it...and then the same with Snoke...and it was fine...for a long time I did mostly forget....until now that is...thanks,” Kylo said in his direction.

“Well no one asked you to go digging through MY head to bring it all back did they?,” Hux rebuked. “I certainly could have done without it!”. He threw his head back, this was far more than he had bargained for tonight. He was sure he’d never heard Kylo say so many words in all the time he’d known him. “Do you want another drink?..a real one this time?,” he picked up his glass. Kylo looked at his cold caff and nodded to Hux. When he returned with the glasses, Kylo’s breathing had settled, he was now peering at a fingernail. Sitting down, Hux handed him the glass, swigged his own and turned to face him. He hesitated, “I have to ask though ...when was the last time you did..,” his eyes flicked downwards, “anything..”. Kylo cut him off. “ I wouldnt remember the last time I did anything even remotely...sexual,” he admitted

“No wonder your so pent up,” Hux said snidely. “My advice to you is go remedy the situation. You’ll feel better. I’m sure you’ll figure it out easily enough..you’ve a good idea..”. Kylo heard the jab at him in the sentence. “Use your holopad, you’ll find some...material to help you out”. Kylo willed his face not to flush. He would find some material alright. His face betrayed him, Hux made a noise between a huff and a gasp. “Don’t..you..dare!,” he hissed, his expression both horrified and indignant. If it weren’t for the nature of the situation, Kylo would have laughed. He tilted his head towards Hux, raising an eyebrow. “Really?...you have any right to tell me that?...that’s what I thought,” he said. Clenching his jaw, Hux huffed and knocked back the remainder of his drink. “Whatever, are you going? It’s late,” he asked. “You’ve a lot of catching up to do,” he quipped. Kylo was looking at him, what looked like a smirk on his lips.

What Kylo said next sent his head spinning. “Well, why don’t we make it beneficial for both of us,” he raised his eyebrows. “We both know what you were thinking about...we know what I will be....whether I like it or not..its a given...also I’m not very practiced”. He flicked his hand in a gesture between the two of them and the couch. Hux’s eyes and mouth were frozen wide, an expression of stunned surprise. Kylo sipped his whiskey. “Have you ..lost.. your mind?,” he managed to stutter out. Kylo almost smiled at him, the sight was slightly terrifying. “Probably...a long time ago,” he replied. “This is something I have to face, or it will pull me down always”. Hux was still staring at him apprehensively. “Yes..and you should face it...elsewhere!..,” he said pointedly. Kylo finally looked a little embarrassed. “I’m unsure where to even start..it’s all unfamiliar...if each other is what we are going to be thinking about..and it is..then why not?”. Hux wanted to crawl under the couch. How was this happening. Kylo had lost his mind. “This is a terrible idea, Ren...think of our positions...,” he reasoned, ignoring the part of him that was slowly warming to the idea. “Think of it as a lesson then,” Kylo leaned a little closer to him, his towel shifting.

Hux leaned back further, turning his head. He couldn’t do this, they couldn’t do this. Nothing only trouble would arise from it. He willed his mind to win the battle but his body was beginning to react, a warmth creeping through him, against his will. His breath was catching, he attempted to get it under control. He could feel Kylo’s gaze burning into him. “I can’t believe you are asking for this,” he muttered. Kylo moved his legs onto the couch, tucking his knees up and leaning back to watch. Hux shook his head, heart hammering in his chest. He dragged his own legs up, turning so that they were facing each other, feet meeting in the middle. Unbuttoning his pants and lowering the zip, he glared at Kylo. Sliding his hand down, the fact that he was already hard annoyed him. Kylo watched him intently, looking as if he actually was here for a lesson. 

Hux didn’t want to admit it to himself, but the way Kylo was watching, his bottom lip sliding between his teeth, eyes locked on Hux’s hand was turning him on. He pushed the pants down slightly and pulled his cock out. Kylo’s pupils visibly dilated. He moved his fist slowly at first, keeping the strokes long, he may as well show him how it’s done properly. He watched his own hand as he began to move faster, glancing at Kylo every couple of seconds. His breathing was becoming shallower. “Are you just going to sit there?,” he demanded, slowing down. Kylo jumped, peering down at his own erection visible under the towel. “Sorry,” he said, tearing his eyes away from the General. He shifted the towel up, wrapping his hand around his own cock. Hux loosened his grip on himself, the sight driving him closer to coming. He couldn’t stop his mind from further imagining what he could do with it. Kylo pumped his fist slowly, not taking his eyes off Hux. They watched each other in silence, both consciously trying not to make any noises. Kylo was failing. He let out a low moan, his breath coming in shorter gasps as he jerked himself faster. “Slow down,” Hux instructed him. “If you get too close, bring it back”. He nodded, slowing his hand. Hux’s cock twitched as Kylo shifted nearer to him. He could feel himself getting closer, the precome making him slick. So focused on Kylo’s movements, it was too late before he realised he was right in front of him.

Too quick for him to react, Kylo leaned over pinned him on the couch. One leg on the ground, one between his knees. Hux’s eyes wandered to the towel which had fallen off, and back to Kylo. Closing his eyes, he swallowed slowly. What had he gotten himself into. For what felt like an age, they looked at each other, the humming of both their emotions vibrating in Kylo’s head. He focused on them for a moment. Uncertainty, worry, fear but at the back of it all an intense longing. Hux froze as Kylo kissed him hard. His head screamed at him but despite it, he kissed back hungrily. Kylo followed his lead as he parted his lips with his tongue, moaning into his mouth. As Kylo relaxed onto him, laying down, the friction of their cocks caused him to gasp into his mouth. Hux reached between them, wrapping his hand around Kylo, rubbing them off each other, slowly. Kylo moved his hips to match the motion, fucking into his hand. He moved his head to Hux’s neck, his breath hot. His teeth biting sent a spasm straight to Hux’s cock. He jerked them faster, pushing them closer to the edge, their labored breaths matching.

The piercing alarm ringing from Hux’s holopad startled them both. As Hux looked from the holopad back to Kylo, an overwhelming sense of panic took him. He pushed Kylo off him, practically rolling off the couch, frantically adjusting his pants, zipping them back up. Kylo raised his eyes questioningly, his hands splayed. “Ignore it..it’s prob..,” he started but was cut off sharply by Hux. “No! This is insane! I don’t know what just happened, what we were thinking! but that’s it..this is..you need to leave!”. His voice was high pitched and shaking. He paced to his bedroom returning with a top and jacket in record time, his hands on his head. “I need to deal with whatever this is!” He held up the holopad, his shaking fingers trying to open the message. Kylo was still on the couch, his expression bewildered. “ But you were just..I don’t understand...,”he broke off. “Just go Ren! Now!,” Hux stormed out of the quarters, leaving Kylo staring after him, his stomach churning with an unfamiliar feeling. 


	9. Stop fighting it.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I know this took ages! I was having a really stressful two weeks! Im so glad I could find time to keep writing this! I am a little nervous because I wrote all the other chapters so close together so hopefully this one is okay! :| feedback appreciated and thanks for reading! ❤️ Also for everyone that’s been reading from the start! Thanks so much!

Not for the first time in his life, but most definitely the first time in thirty years or so, Hux found himself hiding in a closet. He didn’t fit quite as well as he used too, when he hid from his father, terrified out of his wits, but there was something comforting about it, the claustrophobia, the way he had to curl his body in on itself. He couldn’t go straight back to his room, Kylo could still be there, most likely was still there. His breathing hitched and his stomach clenched at the thought. He still couldn’t believe what had just happened between them. How he could have been so stupid. He clenched his fists, digging his nails painfully into his palms. A useful trick whenever he felt overwhelmed or needed to ground himself. He needed time to think, here, where no one could interrupt him. The stress was taking a toll on him, it was obvious. Agitated, he chewed his lip. Kylo’s revelation had left him in a state of shock. He hadn’t been thinking straight to have agreed to it. He just got caught up in the moment, lack of sleep, too much drinking. He would never do something so stupid in his right mind. A slow anger began to seep through him. He curled up tighter, burying his head in his knees. He would go back and put him in his place! I don't need him, I dont need anyone, he told himself. 

It had been a false alarm. Running like his life depended on it, he burst onto the bridge in time to see the crew on duty looking uncomfortable. Mitaka was glaring at them, red faced. “Just a band of Pirates, General!,” he said. “They thought it was possible resistance fighters!,” he added tersly. Hux just stared at them, his mind still stuck in his quarters, flooded with anxiety. “Sir?..,” Mitaka said stepping forward. “Are you alright, General?”. The room was beginning to spin. “General!”. Hux felt Mitakas arm on his elbow. He rapidly gulped air into his lungs, leaning his other arm on a console to steady himself. Mitakas grip remained firm, his face worried. “General, perhaps you should go to the medbay, I’ll escort you.” As he turned to give an order to the crew, Hux interrupted. “No it’s fine!..I’m fine,” he snapped. Waving Mitakas arm away, he leaned on the console until the feeling passed. “I’m fine,” he nodded to Mitaka. “General, I really think..,” Mitaka whispered, but was silenced by a warning glare from Hux. Unconvinced, Mitaka relented. “Perhaps...some sleep, Sir”. He watched worriedly as Hux slowly walked out of the bridge.

After wandering the ship for an hour or so, he eventually stopped at medbay. The droid that had forced that wretched sling on him was there. His shoulder ached as he remembered the abandoned sling, discarded in his quarters. The droid perked up to see him, chirping happily. It began to scan his shoulder. He sighed, allowing it to continue, he didn’t have the energy to yell at it. It chirped a reprimand at him regarding the lack of a sling and went to get another. Hux poked around a couple of drawers until he found something useful. Sleeping pills, he needed those for sure, painkillers, for the pounding in his head. The droid returned proffering a sling. Hux took it, promising to put it on. He dropped it in the hallway outside medbay. Swallowing the painkillers and stuffing the sleeping pills in his pocket, he kept walking. The ship was quiet but there were still guards and night shift workers walking around. He needed somewhere isolated to think. Laundry was deserted, only the machines making a dull humming sound, the hiss of the irons, pressing uniforms. He looked for somewhere to sit but the area was bare aside from the equipment. He spotted a small cleaning closet, opening it to look inside, it was empty. Memories flooded his mind, hiding in a closet, a safe space. Without thinking, he stuffed himself in, shutting the door.

His clothes back on, Kylo walked slowly around Hux’s quarters. He knew he should leave but he just couldn’t bring himself too. Whether Hux liked it or not, something had connected them that moment on Crait and there was nothing either of them could do to change it. Hux was terrified of him, he knew that. And why shouldn’t he be, Kylo thought. Since their introduction, Hux was met with nothing but threats and attacks from him. Something about him had unnerved Kylo at first. Instinctively, he knew he needed to keep him at a distance and under his thumb. A niggling in his head told him he had known why, deep down, even then. Had he let himself feel anything other than contempt for him, he would never have been able to control himself. The realisation was startling, he dug his knuckles into his eyes, his stomach knotting. He walked into the refresher, looking around, everything was tidy and had a place. Products lined in a row, soap, hair gel, razor. Lined up and presented neatly, just like their owner. He turned quickly, heading for the bedroom. His head was pounding with all the unfamiliar feelings that were swirling inside him. In an attempt to quell them, he punched the wall of the bedroom angrily. The pain provided a pleasant distraction. He lifted his fist to look at the beads of blood forming on his knuckles.

“You’re still here”. The voice made Kylo jump. He turned to see Hux standing in the doorway, hair tousled, eyes bloodshot. It was not a question, more of a statement. Not knowing how to respond, Kylo simply nodded. Hux’s face was blank as he pulled off his jacket, placing it on a hanger. Kylo watched silently, probing for emotions. He felt no hostility, just weariness, some confusion and the ever present undertone of fear. He waited a moment after Hux left the room, to follow him. The tension in the air was suffocating. It was to Kylo at least. Hux seemed unperturbed, busying himself tidying papers at his desk, straightening some cushions and putting ice in a glass. He took no notice of Kylo at all, stepping around him to reach the drinks cabinet. “What happened on the bridge?,” Kylo asked cautiously. His voice sounded strange in the quiet room. Hux poured whiskey into his glass, picked up his holopad and sat on the couch. When Kylo was sure Hux was going to continue to pretend he wasn’t there until he left, he finally answered.

“False alarm, some pirates or something,” he tapped his holopad. “Oh..,” Kylo said. “You were just gone a long time,” he mumbled. He was aware he was standing in the middle of the room, awakwardly. The Supreme Leader, terrified to move or sit down incase he annoyed Hux. He gritted his teeth at the irony. Hux looked up sharply, his face hard. “I didn’t realise I had to answer to you about my whereabouts during a rest cycle”. Kylo looked back to the floor. Hux went back to jabbing rather than tapping his screen. Everything in Kylo wanted to roar at Hux and remind him who he was, but he couldn’t bring himself too. “Can you stop standing there like a piece of furniture!,” Hux snapped irritably. Startled, Kylo looked around for somewhere to sit. Next to Hux was probably a bad idea. He went to the chair at the desk. He sat and waited. Hux threw the holopad down next to him on the couch and rubbed his face with both hands. “What?,” he demanded, eyeing Kylo. “I..I didn’t say anything?,” he replied. “Well, you are still here! you don’t seem to leaving! What are you waiting for? Or do you want to sit here in silence?,” Hux asked.

No..I don’t want to sit in silence..,” Kylo said tiredly, feeling the charge of aggression in the air. Hux nodded sarcastically. “Fine! Speak!,” he said. He watched Kylo, an obstinate eyebrow raised. “ I..don’t know what to say,” he shrugged defeatedly, “I don’t know whats happening. I can’t sleep, I can’t..I can’t focus!..on anything”. The only thing I’m familiar with now is anger. Im angry, being torn apart inside every day by so many things I couldn’t separate them. I have no personal vendetta against you...I never have. Hux scoffed at him, getting off the couch, he folded his arms across his chest. “No personal vendetta! Please! Ren, you hate me!,” he almost laughed. “You have literally done everything in your power to hurt me since the day we met. What you did to me, forcing yourself into my head...”,” his voice wavered. Kylo felt the guilt in the pit of his stomach. “How can you think I hate you!,” Kylo yelled angrily. Hux jumped at the sudden outburst. “How can I not?..,” he said softly. Kylo didn’t reply but got up and crossed the room. Hux backed away towards the wall. He closed his eyes but didn’t protest as Kylo’s lips met his, gently, his hand on his neck.

It was different to earlier, not rushed or feverish but still purposeful. Kylo’s weight pushed Hux’s back against the wall. His head still screamed at him to stop, to run away from this situation. But he knew he couldn’t, Kylo was still his Supreme Leader, he was stuck with him one way or another. He tried to pull away, pushing at Kylo feebly. “Stop..,” he whispered, turning his head but Kylo simply followed, pressing their lips together again. Tilting his head, he gently parted Hux’s lips with his tongue. Hux’s rigid body softened as Kylo ran a had through his hair, resting it on the back of his head. It was a little sloppy but Kylo apparently knew what he was doing more so than he had let on previously. The kiss deepend, their tongues slowly intertwining. A small moan from Kylo roused his senses. His chest heaving, Hux ducked under Kylo’s arm and out of his grasp. Kylo sighed, still facing the wall. "Why are you doing this," Hux demanded, his voice hard but breathless.

Turming to face him, Kylo shrugged. "I don't know okay, I don’t know but I can't stop..since Crait, all I can feel and think about is you! Do you think I want this?! To feel this any more than you do?,” he asked angrily. Hux looked away, his face flushing. "What would you know about how I feel! So your fucked up..force.. emotions or whatever they are have latched onto me, you think that it gives you the right to do what your doing!,” he said. "It's not like that!," Kylo spoke sharply, clenching his fists. Hux began pacing agitatedly. “Oh!,” he laughed, “Okay, what is it like then? Hmm? Come on tell me, Supreme Leader, what exactly are you up to? You choke me, throw me at things, I’m sure you want to kill me and now you are kissing me! Have you gone mad! Come on! Excuse me if I am struggling here!,” he roared. He watched Kylo with narrowed eyes, ignoring the stinging behind them. “

Watching him intently, Kylo cocked his head. “You’re scared because you know that you want it, as much as I do. You were thinking about me long before any of this, don't try to deny it. Why are you fighting it?,” he slowly approached Hux again. Back against the wall again, Hux swallowed loudly. Kylo’s arms were on either side of him, his breath hot on his face. “I don’t hate you...,” he whispered in Hux’s ear, his thumb rubbing a circle on his neck. He was suspiciously more confident than he had been earlier. Hux allowed his head to loll forward as Kylo gently nibbled his neck, sliding his hand down to his waist. He toyed with his waistband, running a finger along slowly. Hux breathed out slowly, his eyes still closed. “I don’t..,” he tried to speak but Kylo hushed him. “We can talk later..,” he breathed into Hux’s mouth before his lips closed the gap between them, sliding along his jaw. “We’re going to!,” Hux said before giving in, shifting his hips toward Kylo’s. Pulling back, Kylo grinned as Hux grimaced, reaching down to adjust himself, his erection straining against his pants. “Do we feel better, General?,” he feigned concern. “Fuck you,” Hux replied, unzipping himself. “Come on..”. He headed for the couch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading! Finally next chapter, they are gonna get down and dirty xD xD


	10. Talk To Me.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay, long time between chapters! So much crap going on! I am snowed in at the moment so plenty of time to write! Yay!  
> XD I’m hoping to get the next chapter up really quick, it’s already started! Comments and feedback make me happy :) thanks to everyone that reads ❤️

Hux closed his eyes as he lay back on the bed, his legs on the floor. His mind was still racing as he walked ahead of Kylo towards the couch, changing direction towards the bedroom instead. He willed it to stop. Hesitating at the door for a moment, he was aware he was possibly making the biggest mistake of his life but something in his gut pushed him to keep going. Surprised by his own calmness, he opened his eyes, Kylo was standing hesitantly over him, his earlier confidence fading. Hux wondered if he would ever get used to this version of Kylo, his rational mind still afraid of him. He slid himself upwards to the pillows. Kylo took the hint and slid onto the bed to rest on his hands and knees above him. They watched each other in silence, their eyes locked. “Are you sure you aren’t going to run away again?,” Kylo joked. Hux scowled up at him, ignoring the voice in his head that told him to do just that. “I might if you don’t shut up and get on with it, don’t you want to learn something or not?..”. Kylo leaned down to kiss him, relaxing his body, one leg between Hux’s. They kissed softly, Kylo tracing his hand down Hux’s side, resting on his hip. His thumb ran over the already opened zip. Hux involuntarily moved his hips towards Kylo’s hand, the short breath into his mouth causing Kylo to kiss harder. He shifted himself between Hux’s legs.

He suppressed a moan as Kylo grinded on him, gripping his hair with one hand, pressing their lips together. Breaking away for air, Kylo sucked on his neck, biting suddenly. “Ah!,” Hux was startled but surprised by the jolt of pleasure. He was uncomfortably hard despite his opened zip. For someone who was new to this, Kylo was exceptionally good at it. Who was supposed to be teaching who. He looked down at Kylo who had stopped biting his neck to glance up at him, his eyes looked black in the dim light. Overheated, Hux pulled his top over his head as Kylo watched quietly before removing his own. Hand wrapped around his head again, Kylo moved from his neck to his collar bone, running his hand down Hux’s torso to the waistband of his boxers. He opened his own pants subtly with one hand, his erection straining. Hux opened his eyes as he felt Kylo shift upwards to his hands and knees again, moving down the bed. His breath came in short pants as Kylo toyed with his waistband, his mouth now leaving bites along his hip. Hux groaned in frustration, moving his hips in the direction of Kylo’s mouth.

Kylo looked up at him, his expression a mixture of confidence and nerves. While they watched each other, Kylo roughly pulled Hux’s remaining clothes off, tossing them aside. Suddenly, he started to feel like Kylo was all over him. His hands ran across his stomach, gripping his hip hard as he gripped his cock with the other. He couldn’t stifle the sound that escaped as Kylo as Kylo licked up the length of his cock, wrapping his lips around the head for a second before sliding back down. Hux wrapped his fingers tight in Kylo’s hair, pushing himself back into his mouth. He gagged as Hux pressed his head down but didn’t object to the forcefulness, allowing Hux to fuck into his mouth. His own cock twitched, threatening to come as he watched Hux’s head roll back, small moans escaping as he ran his tongue in slow circles. It was difficult to try and block out Hux’s pleasure as he felt it mingle with his own. Feeling Hux’s body tense, he pulled his head away. Kicking his pants and boxers off, he kneeled on the bed, jerking himself slowly while Hux watched, before joining in.

After a couple more strokes, he slid up placing himself half on top of him, his hands roaming over his chest, down his back, he gripped his ass pulling Hux’s leg around him, his fingers gripping painfully. A roughness far more familiar was taking over. Hux shifted them to the side slightly, his hand reaching down to grip them both, adding more friction. As he pumped his fist faster, Kylo’s breath was hot on his neck, coming in short gasps. Kissing him hungrily, Kylo thrust into his hand, sliding his arm up towards his neck, he rested his spread fingers at the base of his throat. An immediate panic began to rise in Hux, his heart racing. Kylo wrapped his hand around his neck, squeezing gently. Before Hux could tell him to stop, his body reacted with a pleasant rush to his already dripping cock. Kylo’s head jerked up to look at him in surprise. He squeezed again, with a little more pressure. Hux gasped into his mouth. His panic subsiding, he didn’t protest as Kylo’s fingers wrapped around his neck. This newfound pleasure drove him to the edge, he shuddered as Kylo applied more pressure with his thumb. His hold got tighter as Hux’s hand moved faster. Kylo came first, his fist momentarily cutting of Hux’s breath altogether, biting down on his shoulder. Hux followed quickly, both of them smeared in each other, panting heavily. 

Rolling over, they lay side by side catching their breath. Neither spoke for a while, lost in their thoughts. Kylo could feel how relaxed Hux was at this moment. He realised he’d never felt him this way before. He was always riddled with restlessness and anxiety, his mind always on his next task. It was unusual to feel him like this but he liked it. “That was..interesting,” Kylo said eventually. “Not bad, I’ll give you that,” Hux replied. “You still have a lot to learn but we’ll work on it”. Kylo raised his eyebrows, turning his head to look at Hux, he must be joking. “Work on it?..so we will do it again?,” he tried to sound nonchalant and not desperately hopeful. “It’s a terrible idea and no good will come from it but obviously there is a lot more to do” Hux said flatly. Kylo thought about this before replying. “It’s not like any good has come out of any of our ideas at this point, so why not,” he countered, “and you enjoyed it, to be fair. I’ve never felt you so relaxed, given your breathing may have been obstructed”. Hux breathed a laugh.“Makes a change from the generic chokes and beatings I suppose,” he turned his head, a small smile on his lips. Kylo laughed softly. “If it’s any consolation, you can handle a beating, it’s something that’s always annoyed me,” he said wanly. He felt a sudden shift in Hux’s emotions, the calmness mixing with something else. He’d said the wrong thing. Hux stared at the ceiling silently.

“Yeah, well I guess learned from the best,” he said eventually. Kylo waited for him to continue. Hux leaned over and opened a drawer, pulling out a cigarette. Kylo stared in surprise as he lit it, lying back down. “I smoke very rarely, only when something awful happens,” he explained to Kylo’s questioning stare. “Or in this case, something not awful but incrediby dangerous and unusual,” he added, when Kylo’s face dropped. He watched him inhale smoothly, blowing a line of smoke out of his nose. He could watch him for hours, he thought. What was happening to him, he hardly recognised himself. “What do you mean?,” he asked. “Hmm?,” Hux turned his head. “You said you learned from the best, what did you mean?,” Kylo questioned. “Oh..nothing really, not important,” Hux brushed him off. “Your father you mean?,” Kylo said bluntly.

“What do you know about him?,” Hux looked at him sharply. Kylo shrugged, “Nothing really, just Snoke said once that he didn’t appreciate your talents”. He had got the feeling Hux’s father had done a lot more than not appreciate him but Snoke didn’t elaborate. Hux sat up, taking a long drag of the cigarette before stubbing it out. “No, he didn’t,” he said, getting off the bed. “Not that he spent much time sober enough to appreciate anything really”. He pulled his boxers on and walked out of the room. Kylo debated whether to follow him or not. He was had touched a sore spot obviously. He mentally kicked himself for ruining the happy calmness. He was about to get up when he heard him coming back. He had two glasses in his hand. kylo took a glass. Now wasn’t the time to lecture him on alcohol consumption. Sat up against the pillows, he sipped his drink. Hux sat on the bed, his back to him. Kylo squinted in the dim light, noticing marks on his back, some on his side. Scars. They were faded, barely there but just visible. Kylo reached over and trailed a hand down Hux’s back. He stiffened at the touch. Frowning, Kylo pulled his hand away. “Where did you get those?,” he asked, already knowing the answer. His mind began to put the pieces together. 

Hux picked another cigarette out of the drawer, turning to lean on the pillows. His eyes were bleary. Kylo was reminded how tired he was himself. He yawned as Hux lit up. “Why ask when you know the answer,” Hux exhaled the smoke, swigging his drink. “It’s obviously something that bothers you, I can feel it,” Kylo replied evenly. Hux bristled, clenching his jaw “I’m quite capable of dealing with my own problems thank you, I always have been”. Kylo nodded at him. “What?,” Hux demanded, eyeballing Kylo. Kylo shrugged, shaking his head. “No! Tell me, you think I can’t deal with my own problems, that’s rich, Ren!”. Kylo didn’t argue back, letting him continue his rant. “I know you’ve just discovered your human again but take a look at yourself before you try digging into other people’s issues”. Kylo waited but Hux stared ahead, his face creased into a frown. “I wasn’t digging, I’m sorry. Its just I can’t block out your feelings, when they are so strong. You project without knowing. I have to figure out how to stop it,” he apologized. He watched Hux put out the second cigarette, leaning back and rubbing his face. “Funny...,” Hux said quietly. “Everyone was always so impressed with me, except him. No matter what I did, it was never good enough.... forget it,” he waved his hand. Kylo reached over, his hand on Hux’s arm. “Talk to me..”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading, Hux’s past is going to be sad so be prepared! ❤️


	11. Confessions.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux reveals a little about his past to Kylo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Hope you enjoy this chapter xD I didn’t want Hux to completely open up yet. He doesn’t trust Kylo enough but he does give a fairly good idea of what happened to him. I don’t know how many of you are still reading but nevertheless I am very grateful to those who are and I hope you like it ❤️

I don’t want to talk about it, Ren. Just leave it!,” he said grumpily, pulling his arm away. He leaned over and retrieved a third cigarette from the drawer. Kylo noticed his hand shake as he lit it. He inhaled deeply on the cigarette, a small cloud of smoke escaping through his lips. “I thought you smoked very rarely?,” Kylo asked pointedly, earning himself a glare. Hux huffed as he he tried to get comfortable, edging himself towards the edge of the bed, away from Kylo. He spoke to the ceiling. “We should probably go to sleep, we only have a few hours left before we’re on duty again. Kylo pondered whether they could both afford a couple of hours off. They were in need of it for sure. “There aren’t many guards around the quarters at this time,” Hux added, fidgeting with the sheet, before stubbing out his cigarette. A short silence followed. It was then Kylo realised he was asking him to leave. The pang of hurt took him by surprise. For as much as he could feel Hux’s emotions he could not figure them out at all. Indignation was pulsing through him. He hated feeling like he was alone in wanting something from this situation. Hux’s apparent indifference to him stung. Hux had started it all in the first fucking place, he thought angrily. He clenched his jaw in annoyance. “You want me to leave,” he said, a statement more than a question. Hux refused to meet his eye. “You need to leave..,” he said shortly. “Why?,” Kylo snapped “Because you don’t want me here, which I don’t believe for a second or because I brought up your father?”. Hux’s face visibly darkened at the mention of his father again. “Ren! I said leave it!,” he snapped, getting off the bed again, taking his glass and stalking out of the room. 

Annoyed, Kylo hit the bed with his fist before pulling on his boxers and following Hux out of the room. He found him sitting on the couch, leaning back, staring into the darkness. He stood in the doorway. A triangle of light from the refresher illuminated Hux. He had a foot on the small table in table in front of him, resting his elbow on the arm of the couch, his head leaning on his hand. He held the glass limply with the other. Kylo leaned in the doorway, heaving a sigh. He was baffled at how Hux was treating him, had they not just done what they had done together. Or did Hux not care, maybe Kylo was wrong and he didn’t feel anything. No! they both had responsibility to take for what was happening between them. He was willing too so why wasn’t Hux. His rational mind tried to remind him of how badly he had treated him since they met. Really, how could he really expect him to not be scared of what was happening. His mind flashed back to the control room. Hux’s desperation to hide his actions from Kylo’s prying mind. Everything he had done to him, hating him for one simple reason, that he didn’t hate him at all. And he knew that, had always known that. He tried to push the thought away, turning his attention back to the man on the couch. Kylo frowned as he watched him. He was leaning forward on the couch now. His breathing had become slightly erratic, his jaw clenched, like he was staring at something that wasnt there. The whites of his knuckles were visible on the hand wrapped around the glass. He whispered something but Kylo couldn’t make out what it was. Something wasnt right, just as he was about to cross the room Kylo jumped as the glass hit the wall, shattering into pieces. Stunned, he stood frozen on the spot.

Hux could see Kylo leaning against the doorway. He wished he would just leave. But at the same point, he didn’t want to be alone with his thoughts. He didn’t know what he wanted. His head was hazy with the amount of whisky he’d been consuming the last few hours. No wonder Ren was under the impression he had a problem. Maybe he did, he thought grimly. They had only been here six hours, including Hux’s earlier absence. He glanced at the time. It felt like a lifetime. Surprisingly, even to himself, he had relaxed a little earlier, short lived as it was. As a general rule of thumb, he didn’t think about his father, he preferred to pretend the whole sorry ordeal had never happened. And he had managed well enough, over achieving and excelling at all costs. His entire existance was founded on proving himself. Until these bastards reminded him again that he was indeed useless, it always came back to that. Star killer base had hurt him beyond measure, his stomach twisted at the very memory. He swore afterwards, in his rage, that he would murder Kylo Ren as soon as he got the chance. When the chance came, in the throne room, Kylo had woken up of course. He had convinced himself afterwards that it was not relief he felt at that moment, it was anger that his plan had failed. He just couldn’t control himself lately, he was a mess and he knew it. His thoughts, his emotions, everything that he kept so carefully under wraps was running wild and there was nothing he could to do to stop it. He blinked into the darkness, allowing his exhausted mind to wander. His mouth set into a hard line, he gritted his teeth as words cut through his mind..weak willed...useless...his fathers voice rang in his head..”Get up! I’ll give you something to snivel about!”. He dug his nails into his palm. He had developed the habit, simply being in his fathers presence. “No...Im not.,” he said under his breath. The sound of broken glass startled him. He gasped, unaware he had been holding his breath. He looked from his hand to the wall. 

Hux stood up suddenly, staring in shock at the pile of broken glass, the remnants of whisky dripping down the wall. He crossed the room without thinking, scrabbling to pick it up. “Stop!,” Kylo’s brain switched back on, He bolted towards him. He grabbed the hand Hux was attempting to clean up with. It was already bleeding. He held it up by the wrist as they both examined the damage. It wasn’t too bad, maybe some stitches but he would be okay. Hux blinked confusedly, looking from the glass to his hand, as if struggling to make the connection. “It’s okay...,” Kylo whispered to him worriedly. He’d never seen him look like this, he couldn’t put a word on it. He was feeling the panic that was rising in Hux, seeping into his own head. He focused on pushing it away, ignoring it. He needed to be alert. He turned him gently, back towards the couch, still holding his wrist, the other hand on his shoulder. When he was sitting, Kylo went to the refresher and grabbed a towel. There was no way he would get him to medbay right now. Something was happening to him. He had triggered something bad. He shouldn’t have brought up his father. He was furious with himself for being so stupid. Everywhere he turns he hurts somebody or something. He watched him warily as he wrapped his hand in the towel, applying pressure to the wound. Hux stared ahead motionless, clenching his other hand. “I’m sorry...for bringing it up. It’s none of my business,” Kylo said quietly. Hux’s eyes flicked to his hand as Kylo applied more pressure. Kylo pressed on, “Are you okay?..”. Hux nodded in response but his eyes were glistening. “Stupid, even dead, he can still make me feel this way...,” he swallowed thickly, his gaze fixed on the the floor. Kylo thought about this for a moment. “ I dont know what he did to you...I’m sure I can guess... but did anyone else know what was going on? I know they took you along with him, for a reason. They obviously saw potential. Nobody did anything to help?,” he pressed. Hux snorted derisively. “No, he was careful to keep neck down. While I was still young enough for people to care, that is”.

Kylo wanted to ask about his mother, where she was. He didn’t know, had only heard rumors that she was left behind when Brendol and his son were rescued from the siege. He figured it was best to let Hux talk than interrupt. He would surely clam up again. “My mother did her best, I know that’s what your wondering,” he met Kylo’s eye briefly “He hated me...I suppose me existing caused a lot of grief for him...Imperial officer...married...kitchen worker....bastard child...not the best combination,” he smiled wryly. “He wasn’t very physical with me back then, before the siege...she wouldn’t allow it...if she was there to stop it”. Kylo nodded, he remained silent, not wanting to interrupt. Hux was still staring straight ahead, as if he was talking to himself more so than Kylo. “What happened to her?..,” Kylo asked gently, when Hux stopped talking. The urge to reach out him, to do anything to help was overwhelming. The air in the room was becoming heavy. “She was left there... I remember she told me to hide. I thought I was hiding from him...she would always tell me to hide if he was angry..but then...everything was so loud, there was an explosion and someone dragged me out of the closet...I know she was still in the room...They kept their hands over my eyes...so I couldn’t see. I don’t remember anything else..,” he broke off. “How old were you?,” Kylo said, trying to add the years. Hux shrugged. “Five...maybe or six”. Kylo thought about himself at five, playing hide and seek with Chewie, pretending to fly the falcon, his parents laughing. When he was unaware of darkness, the force, the path he would have to take. His parents had loved him. Strange, he thought. Their childhoods could not have been any different yet here they both were, in the same place, at the same time, fucked up to their cores. 

Hux bit down on his lip to stop it trembling, his eyes burning. He looked to the ceiling to stop any tears. Although it surely couldn’t be possible to suffer from any more embarrassment than he already had these few days. “What happened after,” Kylo asked, interrupting his thoughts. He didnt speak for a few minutes. Kylo gently peered under the towel, the cut wasn’t too bad. He was about to suggest sleeping, Hux was not ready to keep talking obviously. Kylo was surprised when he continued. “For the first while, no one paid any attention to me..I was too young to be of any use..,” he said. “They assumed leaving me alone with him was okay...why wouldn’t they?,” he shook his head. “I think he told them I was just spoilt or unruly or something...they only ever saw his side of it you know...Poor Brendol! Pity the kid is such a handful!..The whole time he was coming back drunk and beating the shit out of me!,” he spat. “Is that where the scars came from?,” Kylo asked carefully. Hux nodded, biting his lower lip nervously. “Some of them..on the really bad occasions. He mostly made do with his hands though..there were a lot of times I would wake up...being dragged down the hallway by my hair..I used to beg him to stop but that only made it worse. Eventually I gave up crying or begging, he would be done quicker if I was quiet...anyway Sloane thought she had put a stop to it...It was just a little less frequent as I got older..”. Kylo sat up straight, his face screwed in confusion. “Why didn’t you say anything when it didn’t stop?,” he asked bewildered. Hux shot him a look. “Because I can handle things by myself! I always have!..”. He put his head in his hands, pulling up his knees to rest on them, breathing deeply. The confession left Kylo at a loss for words, he couldn’t think of anything helpful to say, anything that would matter. Instead he moved closer until they were side by side. He put an arm across Hux’s shoulders. “So in answer to your observation, neither you, nor Snoke, nor anyone can do anything to me that he hasn’t already done...so yes I can take a beating..I’m quite good at it,” he said, into his knees. “But why did...,” Kylo began to speak, but Hux cut him off. “I can’t talk about this anymore...not tonight..please”. He stood up slowly, inhaling a deep breath. He walked slowly to the bedroom, holding the towel to his still bleeding hand. Kylo gave him a minute to compose himself before following. He busied himself getting a glass of water. When he came in, Hux was laying back on the bed, his eyes closed. He opened them slowly, watching Kylo as he lay down next to him.

“I’m sorry....,” Kylo looked away, his body burning with guilt and regret. Hux looked over, raising his eyebrow. “What are you sorry for?,” he shrugged. “You think I’m a waste of space like everyone else does,” he said dismissively. Kylo felt like he had been backhanded. His head shot up. He raised his voice. “Your not a waste of space! Not to me! How can you think that?”. Hux looked away, his shoulders sagging. Kylo reached over gently, laying his arm across Hux’s shoulder. He didn’t pull away. “There is nothing I can say to change the things I’ve done. I have never hated you...and that’s why I hated you..we both know that ..and you didn’t deserve any of this, not from me or anyone....and I’m so sorry,” he rubbed a hand across his face. “Everything was going so well until recently..wasn’t it?..until our entire life’s work fell to shit,” Hux said through gritted teeth. Kylo managed a short laugh. “Yeah...it was.,” he replied. Hux yawned, wiping his wet eyes and sniffing. He leaned into Kylo’s body, the arm still over his shoulder. 

Hux woke up to his holopad beeping. It took him a minute to realise it was an alarm. He squeezed his eyes shut, his pounding head wrought with exhaustion. He reached out to stop the offending noise. "Ah! Fuck!". He pulled his hand back, his eyes wide open. The glass. He sighed, looking at the blood stained towel lying on his bed. His hand was caked in dried blood, he tried to find the wound carefully. It was on his palm. Fresh blood now pooled at the edges. He swallowed, exhaling slowly, a threatening churn in his stomach. He looked around for Kylo as he got up and made his way to the refresher. Kylo was gone. He remembered him being here when he fell asleep. Was he disappointed or relieved, he wasnt sure. He better get to medbay. He should just move into medbay at this rate, he thought grimly. A piece of paper on the table caught his eye. He picked it up slowly. 

“Meet me tonight, my quarters. I have something to show you”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much guys for reading :D much appreciated as always!


	12. Connecting.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo wants to try something to connect with Hux.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter. It’s been ages! Hope you like it and as always thanks for reading! :D

Hux hissed as the medi droid stitched his hand, turning his face away. He wouldn’t admit it to anyone but he wasn’t fond of the sight of blood. He was exhausted and still feeling raw after last night but he needed to work. He had to distract himself from his thoughts. He grunted at a particularly painful stitch. He’d never shared anything about his father with anyone, content to bottle it up and pretend it never happened. So many years painstakingly building a wall, just for Ren to come and knock it down. His free hand ran over the note in his pocket. His stomach swirled with anxiety, should he go and see what Ren wanted to show him or should he put a stop to it, quit while they were ahead. It’s what any rational person would do, he told himself. The droid wrapped a bandage around his stitched wound, giving him some pills to take away. He walked out of medbay and stood in the hallway. Looking up and down the empty halls, he wondered where he should be going. These days were the first in his adult life that he didn’t have a plan, didn’t know what his next move was, he felt lost and unsure about everything. He decided on the bridge, he’d see what was happening there. As he walked, he found his mind not focused on work but wondering where Kylo was, how were they going to be able to interact with each other on a professional level, as if nothing had happened.

He was surprised to feel just a little disappointed that Kylo was not on the bridge but he pushed the feeling away. He was embarrassed at how he’d fallen apart last night, he couldn’t afford to let it happen again. It was better he wasn’t here, at least now he could try to compose himself for when he did see him. He put on his work face and strode around peering at screens, asking questions he knew the answers too. They were no closer to finding the resistance, just cruising aimlessly while they tried to gather themselves after recent events. Hux made a mental list of what he needed to do. First Order Officials needed to be spoken too, given an explanation, he doubted Kylo had made any attempt at doing that. He needed to source more weapons, start getting blueprints together for new weapons, there was a lot to be done. With his back to the room, he rubbed his eyes and yawned, staring out of the viewport. “How are you feeling?” He froze for a second at the sound of Kylo’s voice. “I’m perfectly fine, Supreme Leader,” he said stiffly, aware of the the other people in the room. He tried to feign the usual contempt he showed towards him, refusing to look in his direction. Kylo stepped up beside him, close enough that their shoulders were brushing. He stepped away subtly but saw Kylo’s hurt expression follow him. He willed himself not to react.

He heard Kylo leave the bridge but didn’t look in his direction. Kylo’s hold on his emotions were poor at best, he couldn’t just publicly display that something had changed between them. His own emotions were swirling around like a tornado but unlike Kylo, he could hide it on the outside. Full of conflict and rage, Kylo had never been able to keep a lid on it, his constant tantrums and meltdowns exposing his weakness. Hux thought back to all the times he stood watching Kylo smash everything around him, generally an important piece of equipment to Hux’s dismay. He had hated him, that side of him. If you’d told him then that there was another side to Kylo Ren, he would have snorted derisively and called him an overgrown child. He doubted Kylo had even been aware he was capable of having another side to him. He rubbed his eyes again, his hand was beginning to sting. Fishing the painkillers out of his pocket, he was startled when Mitaka appeared beside him.

“You look better, Sir,” he said lightly. Hux looked at him, confused. “Last night?...you were here Sir,...I thought you needed to go to medbay..,” he explained, frowning. His eye caught the bandage on Hux’s hand before flicking to the door Kylo had left through. He thought Kylo had done something to him, Hux sighed. He couldn’t blame him. As long as he had known him, any and all injuries Hux sustained had come from either Kylo or Snoke. “Officials are concerned,” Mitaka said suddenly. Hux’s head shot up, “What do you mean?,” he demanded. Mitaka looked around nervously, stepping closer to him. “They are aware of the Supreme Leaders....intemperance....as we all are, they are concerned with his ability to run the order,” he whispered. “Word is getting around.” He knew Mitaka thought he was giving him good news, trying to make him happy about something. A Kylo Ren supporter Mitaka was not. A few days ago this would have been wonderful news, he would have voiced all his concerns to the Officials, maybe he would have, maybe not. Either way the news filled him with dread. He would have to tell Kylo, find a way to deal with it. “I need to go,” he nodded at Mitaka. “Alert me if anything happens.” Mitaka nodded back, his face puzzled. Hux headed back to his quarters, he was fed up of everything. He took more painkillers and lay on the couch, massaging his temples. The pills made him pleasantly sleepy. He closed his eyes, he’d get up in a minute and work from here, he didn’t need to go back to the bridge. 

He woke up a couple of hours later in a daze, grabbing his holopad to check the time. He never fell asleep like this, he could barely sleep at the times he was supposed too. He sat up, stretching, his body stiff from the small couch. He exhaled deeply, yawning as he leaned back on the couch. Kylo. Shit!, he reached into his pocket, pulling out the note. He checked the time again. It was late, too late. He could tell him he fell asleep. Maybe he’d be mad and not want him to come. He’d obviously upset him earlier on the bridge. He groaned into his hands. It was hilariously ironic that life had been easier when Kylo was a loose cannon, Hux felt nothing and Snoke was Supreme Leader. That he could handle, this unbeaten unfamiliar path he wasn’t sure that he could. If he didn’t go, would Kylo accept that, that whatever this was had to stop. He doubted that he would. He didn’t know if he wanted it to stop, or if he could stop. He better go now if he was going. He ignored the knotting in his stomach, forcing himself off the couch. 

Unlike Kylo, he had the manners to buzz the door. He shifted nervously as he waited for an answer, clenching and unclenching his good hand. He frowned when there came no answer. He buzzed again, his stomach giving anxious little jumps. It annoyed him that Kylo was having this effect. Eventually, he heard a sound. The door slid open, revealing a grumpy, sleepy eyed Kylo. His features shifted to surprise when he saw Hux standing outside. They looked at each other silently. “Can I come in?,” Hux asked eventually. Kylo sighed, stepping aside. Hux looked around as he walked through the room, Kylo had gotten some new things since the time he’d been here, it looked less gloomy, more habitable. He sat on the couch. Kylo chose to flop on the floor, his face still sullen. Hux watched him, he was obviously upset that he hadn’t come earlier but there was no point in him being here just to watch him sulk. He contemplated leaving, he had enough shit to deal with, if anyone should be sulking it was him. “It took you this long to decide to come,” Kylo interrupted his thoughts. Hux glared at him. “I fell asleep if you must know, I only woke up a few minutes ago, so excuse me!,” he snapped. “Sleep isn’t something I get a lot of!,” he added. Kylo thought about this. “Sorry...,” he chewed his lip. “I thought..you were just not going to come...on the bridge you..,” he began to say but Hux cut him off. “That’s another thing! You were too close to me. You have to be careful, you can’t just change your behavior towards me in front of people!..,” he was going to tell him what Mitaka had said but stopped himself. There was no point in bringing it up now. He would have to think about how to handle the situation before Kylo blowing a fuse about it. He pinched the bridge of his nose, he had a perpetual headache.

“I should probably throw you around a bit.”. Hux looked up, his eyebrows raised. Kylo was smirking. “Not to change my behavior...I’ll have to throw you around in front of them,” he said, his face serious. “Funny!...,” Hux said sarcastically. “Now what was it you wanted to show me.”. To his surprise, Kylo blushed. “Oh...I wanted to try something...you might not want to, it’s late anyway. Maybe another time,” he attempted to brush it off. He had peaked Hux’s interest now. “No..What is it?,” he demanded. Kylo looked sheepishly at the floor. “I know you dont like..don’t trust the force..but remember I said before I could help you...show you a way to handle your emotions.” Hux wanted to point out that Kylo couldn’t handle his own emotions, let alone help someone else. He kept his thoughts to himself and listened. “And neither of us are very capable of talking about them so...I think things could make a lot more sense if we could just feel it.” Hux regarded him warily. “And we do that how?,” he asked. Kylo took a breath. “Basically meditating and then connecting our minds...well, I’ll connect our minds...I can get into yours and if it works okay I can show you mine.” Hux recoiled immediately. “After what you did the last time? You think I’m going to willingly agree to that!,” he said incredulously. The memory alone caused his pulse to quicken. “No..no,” Kylo said quickly. “It’s not like that! This is different, it’s not forced, it won’t hurt... it’s...it’s like bonding.” He blushed again. Hux was still skeptical, wringing his hands. “You don’t have to do it, it was just a suggestion,” Kylo said quietly. They sat in silence for a few minutes while Hux thought about it. There couldn’t be any harm in trying it, as much as he wished he wasn’t, he was curious about it. “Fine...but if I say stop, we stop,” he said firmly. Kylo nodded. “Of course, just say the word.” He patted the floor in front of him. “Down here.”

They sat facing each other with their eyes closed, cross legged, knees touching. Kylo could feel the nervous waves coming off Hux. His emotions were incredibly strong, he had no idea how strong. If he was force sensitive he would be have been dangerous, Kylo realised. Snoke would have loved him. Kylo guided him at first, how to breathe, relax, let go. A lengthy silence followed. “Is something supposed to be happening,” Hux asked impatiently. “Be patient. Just relax,” Kylo soothed. He focused his mind, reaching out, he tried to penetrate the wall Hux had up. After a few unsuccessful attempts, he sighed. “You need to relax more, I don’t want to force myself into your head, you have to let me,” he said. Hux shifted, he focused on breathing the way Kylo had told him too and letting the wall down. It was slow at first, like a pressure inside his head but not painful, like vines were wrapping around his brain.. His heart sped up instinctively. “It’s okay..breathe,” Kylo whispered. He was being as gentle as possible. He hadn’t told Hux but he’d never done this before other than using it for torture and interrogation. What Snoke had forced with Rey was different. He probed around a little, still just barely there, only enough to feel a little more than he usually could from him. He knew he shouldn’t, because one, Hux would kill him and two, he was a bit afraid of it but he wanted to know what Hux felt about him. He pushed a little further for it, feeling Hux twitch. He was pleasantly surprised, the attraction was intense, both physical and emotional. The emotional intensity caught him off guard, Hux wasn’t consciously aware of the depth of it yet, he realised. There was something else, a shroud of worry enveloping these emotions, it was new. His eyebrows furrowed over his closed eyes.

Distracted by what he had found, Kylo pressed further without realizing. He was met by images, flashing fast, starkiller base, Crait, himself. He felt panic as Hux’s mind began to race. He winced as a rush of emotions hit him hard, how did Hux keep so much bottled up. The wall was down completely, he knew he was pushing it too far for the first time but he was so enthralled by the feelings, he didn’t feel the pain at first or notice Hux was starting to hyperventilate. “Stop..Ren..,” his voice was strained. Kylo’s eyes shot open to look at him, he was sweating, his face screwed up. Kylo grabbed his shoulders. “Sorry! Hux, I’m sorry, breathe!,” he shook him gently. His shoulders heaved as he tried to catch his breath. Kylo jumped up to get him water. He had regained some composure when Kylo got back on his knees in front of him, he took the water. “I’m sorry,” Kylo apologized again. He gulped back the glass, his breathing steadier but he was shaking violently. “That was....I don’t know,” he shook his head. “I should have stopped, I didn’t mean to go so far,” Kylo put his hands back on his shoulders. “I didn’t see inside your head,” Hux said accusingly. “I know..I got distracted with yours...next time I promise,” he smirked. Hux huffed at him, sliding back to stretch his legs. Kylo lay on his back next to him. He watched him, stretching his arms over his head, yawning. He was still shaking a little. Kylo grabbed the back of his shirt, pulling him back to lay on the floor. He turned towards him. “There is something your worried about, about me? What is it?,” he asked. Hux rolled his head to look at him. Their eyes locked. “A shit show about to happen. We need to be prepared.” He didn’t like the sound of that but he was distracted again. He wrapped his hand around Hux’s head pulling him closer. “Tell me tomorrow,” he rolled onto his elbow, the other arm across Hux’s chest, he looked down at him. Surprisingly Hux moved first, pressing their lips together. “Good idea,” he mumbled. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Always appreciated.  
> I’m writing two fics at the moment, if you would like to check out this one. It’s the dark side of Kylux
> 
>  
> 
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/13973658/chapters/32171541
> 
> ❤️❤️


	13. Old Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Officials come to visit and Hux has an unexpected guest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this fic is like my little pet that I have to keep tending to and I just don’t want to let go of yet lol because it’s my first in this fandom. I’m not sure how many are still reading but if ye are I’m very grateful xD especially to the regulars. You have no idea how happy your comments make me :) I wouldn’t be motivated to write anything otherwise! So honestly thank you! ❤️

They didn’t see much of each other over the next two weeks or so, following the night in Kylo’s quarters. Hux stayed with him that night, both of them falling asleep on the floor. They hadn’t seen each other any nights since. Hux was drowning in preparations for the arrival of the First Orders main Officials. They had announced the following day that they would be visiting. He told Kylo what was filtering amongst the Order, their opinions of him, and tried to reassure him that it would be okay. They spent hours during the days poring over everything Kylo needed to know, until he had a headache and wanted to tear every irksome page apart. Hux was also hounding Mitaka for more information, which he was only delighted to give, thinking him and Hux were on the same page. There was no real way of telling what was true or not, or where rumors were coming from but it was difficult to keep himself from getting angry at Mitaka or at the things he was telling him. He was constantly reminding himself they had never seen another side of Ren. Although, nothing had been destroyed on the ship nor had Kylo had any tantrums at all the last few weeks. Surely they had noticed that? Either way, he didn’t ask. “What if it isn’t?,” Kylo asked, walking into his office, worried eyes looking to Hux. “What if what isn’t what?”. Hux looked up from his paperwork, peering tiredly at him. “Not okay!,” he raised his hands. Hux sighed, pinching his forehead. “It will be...I’ll make sure it is, just do as I say and do not argue with me,” he told him firmly. “It will be fine. I really have a lot to do, okay....they will be here in two days.” He looked back to his work, glazed eyes trying to take in as much as he could. Kylo stayed where he was was for a minute, he thought about asking him to stop and relax for a while, feeling guilty about the situation, it was his fault really. He’d make it up to him, he decided. Biting his lip morosely, he turned from the room, walking back to his quarters alone, where his thoughts could continue to plague him. 

Kylo walked into Hux’s office, wearing his training outfit, sweat clinging to his hair and clothes. Hux shook his head as he took him in. “At least some of us have time for extra curriculur activities..,” he said grimly. Kylo frowned. “Combat training is work....” He added offhandly, “You should do more of it you know..I’ll help you.” Hux ignored him, standing up and stretching. His face was pale and there were circles under his eyes. “Sit,” he commanded. Kylo was trying to be nice, make the situation a bit lighter but Hux was being so uptight, like he thought that Kylo wasn’t smart enough to be worried too. He was more than a little stung by the way he was behaving towards him. Since the night in Kylo’s quarters he’d been aloof, busy working at something all the time and too tired when he was done to even have a conversation. Kylo had left him to it, knowing he was stressed but he was beginning to feel like he was avoiding him again. He hadn’t been brave enough to go find him at night, he doubted he was sleeping by the looks of it but he got the feeling that an impromptu visit wouldn’t be well received. He sat in the chair and swiveled to face Hux who was pacing the office. “We need to talk about you!,” he said, not mincing his words. “Specifically how to not be....you as such. The things people are saying aren’t good. Let’s face it...you haven’t done yourself any favors in the past. But I have enough plans drawn up regarding military and future technological developments to keep them happy, but you have to do your part. They need to see you as capable, rational and most importantly not having any tantrums.” Kylo’s jaw clenched, a mixture of anger and indignation rising from his core. He opened his mouth to speak but Hux continued. “So I’m going to go over everything I’ve done here, the blueprints, with you so you can join in the talks, make it look like your actively involved.” Kylo sat slack jawed, not believing what he was hearing. Hux wasn’t entirely wrong in what he was saying but he was insinuating that Kylo does absolutely nothing. Which was not true. He was doing his best to learn, and frankly it was downright insulting. Hux finally stopped pacing and turned to face Kylo. His eyes widened at the expression he was met with. “Now don’t get angry! I’m just telling you what you need to hear...I said I’d fix this as long as you don’t argue with me!,” he said. Kylo balled his fists, focusing on not hitting or breaking anything. He waited for the anger to dissipate. “Well, you’ve got it all worked out...,” he said his voice hard. “I’m incapable clearly as far as your concerned, I’ll get out of your way!” He stormed towards the door. “Ren! I didn’t say..Ren! ,” Hux yelled after him but he was gone.

He threw his arms up in the empty office, flopping in the chair exasperatedly. He probably could have been less harsh with him. He knew he was trying. The whole thing had him stressed out though. He couldn’t sleep, could barely eat and he was snapping at anyone who looked at him. Kylo was taking his bad mood personally, he knew but he was too cranky to even try to explain it to him. He still didn’t really have a grasp on his emotions so he likely wouldn’t understand. He just preferred to deal with things his own way right now, alone with copious amounts of alcohol. He didn’t need Kylo’s disapproval getting in the way of it. There were a couple of nights he wanted to go to him, even if they just sat in silence, rather than be alone. But he didn’t. They hadn’t spoken again about the bonding exercise either. He’d rather avoided it hoping Kylo wouldn’t bring it up. Thinking about it afterwards, there was something about the intimacy of it that made him uncomfortable. He wouldn’t admit it to himself but also a little scared. Leaning forward, he lay his forehead on the desk, his fingers running through his hair. He desperately wanted a drink but even he drew the line at daytime drinking. He’d seen the effects that had on his father and subsequently on him. He forced the memories away, yawning into the wood. He rememberd he hadn’t eaten anything yet today, it was no surprise he had no energy. He took a deep breath, he had everything under control now really. He knew what he needed to do to impress and what Kylo needed to do. There wasn’t really anything that could go too far wrong, surely. Feeling marginally better, he left the office in search of some food he didn’t particularly want. 

“What’s that?,” Hux asked, walking back into his office, after taking a break. He was surprised to see Kylo sitting in his chair, reading something. He held it out to him without speaking. Hux took it, seeing a list of names for clearance. “Oh, the Officials are bringing officers with them, didn’t think they’d..,” he stopped talking, one of the names on the list catching his eye. Kylo was eyeballing him, brooding, his facial expression hadn’t improved since their earlier encounter. “There is a message for you..,” Kylo pushed Hux’s holopad across the desk. He hadn’t expected any messages. He picked it up, beginning to feel a little uncomfortable. He felt like asking Kylo to leave the office but there was already enough tension between them without adding more. He tapped on the message, startled to see that it was a voice message. He didn’t need to look at the name to know who it was from. He hit play. The sound of a mans voice filled the room. “Hey bud! Long time no see!.” It took everything in him to keep his expression neutral. “Well, I got promoted! not as promoted as you mind, General! but hey! who’s complaining! Anyway, as you can see I’m on that list there to accompany my boss. We have a lot to catch up on! What’s it been! Five, six years?, anyway I’m rambling! See you tomorrow!.” Silence filled the room again. Kylo fiddled with a drawer in the desk. “Who’s that..?,” he tried and failed to sound nonchalant. Dammit! Hux was internally having a meltdown. This was all he fucking needed. Not that he was wasn’t happy about seeing Malek but it really wasn’t a good time. It wasn’t a good time at all. His anxiousness was creeping up on Kylo, making him more curious about this stranger. Kylo blinked at him, waiting for an answer. “Just an old friend, Malek, from the academy. Friendships weren’t exactly priority there...but we got on well nonetheless. I had no idea he’d been promoted. Haven’t spoken in at least six years, I think.” He put the holopad down, turning his attention to the paperwork he’d been doing. He tried not to think of the last time they had met. Kylo didn’t miss the way his face flushed slightly or the way the whites of his knuckles were showing as he gripped the pages. He nodded slowly, an unpleasant feeling filtering through his body as he got up to leave the room. 

Hux, Kylo, Mitaka and several other officers stood in the hangar as the shuttles docked. “You show the officers to their rooms, we will deal with the Officials,” Hux instructed Mitaka. Outwardly he appeared as composed and capable as always but inwardly he was a ball of anxiety. It was coming off him like heat, washing over Kylo as strong as any physical presence. As they began to disembark, Kylo looked to see which one Malek was. It didn’t take him long, only one was grinning and waving. He was broad shouldered, blond haired and much to Kylo’s vexation, incredibly handsome. As they approached, Hux stepped forward to greet them, shaking hands with the three officals. Elderly and straightfaced, they appraised Kylo with critical eyes as Hux introduced him. He felt uncomfortable under their scrutiny. Snoke had only ever introduced him briefly to people, mostly just having him stand by his side like a guard dog, showing him off like an accessory. He was the Supreme Leader now, he wasn’t supposed to feel like this, they should be bowing to him! His temper began to rise. Hux’s subtle cough brought him back to his senses. He was glaring at him Kylo stepped forward, shaking hands with the Officials. He welcomed them the way Hux had instructed. The officers had been brought away while Hux, Kylo and the officals made their way to a meeting room. They walked in step, side by side ahead of the guests. “Pay attention!,” Hux hissed at him. “I am..,” he growled back. Hux briefed the Officials on what they could expect from their visit and tomorrow’s meeting. Once the official briefing was over, the officers were invited to the room and general military topics were discussed. Kylo was doing as he was supposed to but he seemed distracted, leaving Hux to elaborate for him where needed. 

They stood companionably at the viewpoint, looking out into the stars. “So...I gotta ask...this Ren guy..Supreme Leader rather, I hear he’s a nut job,” Malek looked sideways at Hux, grinning. The meeting had ended and they were congregated around the room, waiting on refreshments. Hux turned his head to look for Kylo who was speaking to the Officials, but casting an eye to Hux every couple of seconds. “He’s not... not everything you hear is true, you should know that,” Hux said simply. “He has his moments...I won’t lie, his temper is short and when he loses it..let’s just say, you should take cover. But he has shown improvement. I’m confident he will be efficient in time.” He stared ahead, his jaw set. He was irritated that Kylo hadn’t been more involved in the meeting. This was so important and he was going to fuck it up. Malek looked at him with a raised eyebrow. “So, we gonna catch up tonight?,” he elbowed Hux playfully. Kylo chose this moment to approach them. He regarded Malek warily. If he noticed, he didn’t let on. “Hey!,” he smiled widely at him. “Malek, good to meet you in person!,” he extended his hand to Kylo, who was poker faced. Startled by the energetic greeting, he simply shook his hand. He could feel Hux wasn’t happy with him. “Okay, I’m gonna go freshen up! Armie man, see you later, your quarters yeah,” he said, using an old nickname. He strolled away whistling. “Armie man?,” Kylo repeated, more to himself than Hux. “What are you doing later?,” he asked. “What have we been doing for two weeks!,” Hux rounded on him, his voice hard and low. “You didn’t answer half the things you were supposed to!” He glowered at him. “I’m sorry...,” Kylo said. Hux turned away. “What are you doing later,” Kylo asked again. “Catching up with a friend, Ren. Not that it’s any of your business!” He turned on his heel, nodding to people as he left. Kylo stared after him dismally.

None of Kylo’s business. That’s what he’d said. He may as well have slapped him in the face. All Kylo had done was ask what they were going to be doing and he’d snapped at him. Kylo lay on his bed, fully dressed staring at the ceiling. An unfortunate droid lay in pieces beside the bed. It had come into collect laundry at the wrong time. If he was honest with himself, he felt a bit bad. He hadn’t lost his temper in weeks and he’d been doing really well. But on the plus side, no one saw him and at least it wasn’t a person. He’d clean it up later. He’d tried to distract himself, reading over the notes for tomorrow’s meeting but he just couldn’t focus. He kept thinking about them, what they were doing. He had genuinely expected that he’d be invited when he heard they were going to Hux’s quarters, ready to play nice until Hux shot him down. He wasn’t yet used to the feelings that were resurfacing in him and sometimes he struggled to pinpoint what he was feeling at any given time but this, whatever it was, was painful. It sat in the pit of his stomach, like a rock. Lonely? He wasn’t sure. They seemed so at ease with each other, it made him feel like an outsider, like he was intruding on somehting that didn’t involve him. He had hoped that once they had arrived and the first meeting was over, Hux would relax and want to actually see him other than just to drill information into his head. He drew his lower lip between his teeth, rolling on his side. Maybe he could just try to sleep, he wouldn’t have to think about then. He closed his eyes and tried to empty his mind.

He shouldn’t have said that to him. It was playing on his mind and he couldn’t concentrate. His head was just such a mess, he wasn’t handling any situations right. He just knew he needed to keep Kylo away from Malek. He knew what having Malek here led to, it was always the same. He wasn’t angry at Kylo, he was annoyed about the meeting of course but he was more worried about what Kylo would do if he got upset. Malek was relaying him with another funny work story which he wasn’t listening too when Hux’s buzzer went off. Hux looked to the door, surprised. It was quite late now, he wondered who would be looking for him at this time. He went to the door, stepping aside quickly as Kylo strode straight in. “Come in,” he muttered to his back. Kylo stopped in the middle of the room. Malek greeted him cheerfully, with a wave of his glass. “The more the merrier!,” he said. Malek was sitting in a chair opposite the couch. He jumped up, “Sit here!,” he gestured to the chair while he moved over to the couch. Sitting on the chair, while the others sat on the couch only made him feel worse. Hux was uncomfortable, he could tell by his face, the way he stared into his glass. Malek, seemingly unaware of the tension talked rapidly about work. “...guys such an idiot, won’t last a month! Guaranteed!,” he set his empty glass on the table. Once he’d stopped talking, the room was visibly quiet. Kylo was trying to feel emotions from Hux but he was purposely keeping them in check. This only made him feel more ill at ease. He could feel something from Malek but he wasn’t sure what it was. He wanted something, that much he could tell. 

Drink?..,” Hux broke the silence, noticing the empty glasses. Malek nodded enthusiastically. Ren?,” Hux stood up to get them. “No..thank you,” Kylo said flatly. Hux rolled his eyes. He was getting really fucking annoyed with this attitude today. There was no excuse for it! He’d barged in uninvited, and now he was going to sit there silently, looking sour and making everyone uncomfortable. As he went to get the drinks Malek attempted to engage Kylo in conversation. “So...how is it being Supreme Leader?...,” he grinned at him. Kylo looked at him, his face deadpan. The cheerfulness was so tedious. He would have liked to throttle it out of him but Hux certainly wouldn’t approve of that. “It’s what I expected it would be,” he said instead. His tone suggested the conversation was over. Silence permeated the air again. Malek nodded “Kay...,” he said smiling awkwardly. He began to examine the cushion next to him, noticing it matched the color scheme in the room. He laughed. “You into interior decorating these days, Armie man?,” he said, looked back over the couch. Hux was looking for a particular mixer, digging around. Kylos bristled at the nickname, his nostrils flaring. Hux threw Malek a look, not responding. Malek chuckled, turning around again. He picked up Hux’s holopad from the table. If he’d looked at Kylo, he would have seen the darkened expression he now wore, his teeth clenching angrily. All rationality had left him, anger pulsed through him in waves. All he knew was that he didn’t want this person anywhere near Hux. He was aware he wasn’t being rational and Hux would be furious but he would find out what was going on here. He focused his mind on Malek, narrowed eyes locked on him. 

Hux looked up briefly and almost dropped the drinks he was shaking. Kylo’s eyes were blank, staring at Malek who was looking at Hux’s holopad. He looked from one to the other and blanched. Malek made a face, shaking his head a little as he continued looking at the holopad. Hux looked back to Kylo, his face was frozen, his eyes trained straight ahead. He wouldn’t dare...would he? Malek winced. He would dare apparently. “Hey!,” Hux shouted, startling them both. Malek looked up, his hand going up to rub his temple. Kylo ducked his head, poking at some papers on the table. “Do you want ice?,” Hux asked, glaring discreetly at Kylo, a warning look. Kylo feigned innocence, cocking his head at him. Malek was looking at the two of them stupidly. “ I just got a weird headache..How much you putting in those drinks..,” he huffed a laugh. Hux returned to his seat, handing Malek his drink and slugging his own. He rubbed his eyes. Malek stretched and yawned. “This ship is something else, you know. I wouldn’t mind living on it,” he said airily, looking around the quarters. “Well Snoke had it built with the idea in mind that it would be that habitable...,” Hux and him began talking again. Kylo’s mind wandered. He didn’t want to be such a shit presence, if Hux had invited him to begin with, he would have made an effort. He began to feel uncomfortable about the way he had just shown up now, inviting himself in. It made him look bad but he hadn’t known what else to do. “Maybe I’ll just crash here tonight.” Kylo’s eyes widened as he jolted back into the conversation. His stomach lurched, as he looked at Hux. He wasn’t going to let him stay, was he? There was perfectly good guest quarters. Hux said as much in response but he didn’t say no. Kylo stood up quickly. He had to leave, he didn’t understand what he was so angry about but something was going to happen if he stayed. Hux looked at him in surprise. “Are you going?,” he asked, unnecessarily. Kylo nodded, not really trusting himself to speak. He mumbled something resembling a goodbye before leaving the room. 

“He’s....interesting,” Malek said, after a short silence laughing quietly. Hux nodded in agreement. “That’s one way of putting it.” He swallowed his drink in one gulp, setting the glass on the table. He threw himself back on the couch, arms outstretched behind his head. “No offense, but you look like you haven’t slept in a year,” Malek said, pulling his legs onto the couch. Without a pause, Hux answered sardonically “I haven’t.” He wasn’t sure what he was feeling about Kylo right now. He was angry for sure, he was going to tear him a new one tomorrow. He sighed heavily, groaning into his hands. Malek twisted onto his back, landing his legs over Hux’s lap. He opened his eyes in surprise, looking down at them. “You seem stressed Armie man,” Malek tilted his head, sliding down further towards him. Hux tensed a little but didn’t move. His gut was telling him to move away, warning him. He pushed the feeling away, he was overreacting. Malek sat up, they were next to each other now, his legs still across Huxs. “ come on...what’s eating you?,” he slapped his arm. Hux snorted. “Life in general..but I’m fine,” he brushed it off, shifting himself a little, to put some distance between them. “Well, you haven’t changed then, good to know.” Malek flashed a coy smile at him. “Sooo...we got a couple of hours,” he ran a finger along his collar. Hux breathed out, his jaw clenched. His mind began to race as Malek pulled him by the collar, pressing their lips together. He didn’t protest, kissing him back but something was missing. It didn’t feel right. Anxiety was squirming it’s way through his body. 

He couldn’t stand being so conflicted about everything lately. Fucking Ren, it was all his fault. The one thing Hux actually liked about himself was that he was always so sure of everything, so precise and now he was a mess. Malek shifted, pushing Hux underneath him. His body was reacting enthusiastically, a comforting familiarity. They always ended up fucking every time they met, that was their thing. Relive some tension, no strings attached but try as he might, his mind wouldn’t shut off. He hadn’t broached that subject with Ren, not that they’d had any time but he wasn’t sure Ren was overly aware of the logistics. He had kept it tame so far, and Ren hadn’t pressed for more. It was almost funny, he felt as if he’d be corrupting him. Maybe he wasn’t as clueless as he came across, he just didn’t know how to talk about it. He certainly caught onto things quickly. He closed his eyes, his mind still drifting. His shirt was hanging open and Malek had slid further down. He’d been so distracted he hadn’t felt him open it. He felt him toying with his zip, his mind still on Kylo, the way he’d looked up at him, mouth wrapped around his cock. His belt slid off, making a soft clink on the floor. He tried to push Kylo out of his head but the more turned on he was getting the harder it was to stop thinking about him. He was hit with a pang of guilt. He didn’t know what he was feeling guilty about. They had no claim on each other, he tried to reason with himself. He didn’t even know what this shit between them was. It was a terrible idea and they shouldn’t be doing it, that much he knew. His breath caught as his pants slid over his hips. He squeezed his eyes tighter behind closed lids. A small sound escaped his lips when a hand gripped his cock, gliding slowly before he felt lips on either side, sliding up his shaft. He slipped his fingers into Maleks hair, his mind straying to Kylo again. He should stop being so tame with him and really fuck his pretty face. He could feel himself heating up, he didn’t want to stop imagining it but thinking about him while he was about to fuck someone else was wrong. There was no other way to put it. It was almost a shock when he opened his eyes and saw blonde hair. “Stop, stop stop..,” he whispered, pulling away. He stood up quickly, pulling his pants back up. 

Malek looked up from the couch, raising his hands. “What’s up?,” he asked. Hux chewed his lip, composing himself.. He buttoned his shirt back up. “This isn’t a good idea...it’s just..,” he couldn’t think of an excuse. “It’s just?..,” Malek repeated back at him. “Look, this happens every time..and it’s not a bad thing, far from it..but at some point enough has to be enough, you know?,” he said lamely. Malek considered this for a moment, then smiled good naturedly. “Yeah, You’re right!,” he shrugged. Hux was surprised but relieved it had been that easy. “I get it, things change, don’t worry about it,” Malek said, sitting up and sipping his drink. Hux smiled gratefully and sat back down. He took a swig of his own, trying to dampen the arousal still in him. Malek studied him quietly, a smirk playing on his lips. “I have to ask...he seems like he’d be into some rough shit?,” he laughed. Hux almost choked, his stomach dropping. He gasped at Malek who laughed harder. “Buddy, it’s safe with me, okay,” he said reassuringly. Hux didn’t respond, draining the last of his glass. Malek stood up. “I’m gonna go, I’ll see you tomorrow,” he clapped his shoulder. “Sweet dreams!,” he sauntered out of the room. Hux buried his head in his hands. Why were these things happening to him? He just wanted a break. He thought fleetingly about going to find Kylo, he was still horny as hell but given the mood he left in, perhaps not. He decided to shower and finish himself off instead.

They sat in the meeting room the next day, all gathered for a final talk. Hux was standing at the top of the table, a hologram of blueprints shining beside him. “...and it should be smooth sailing from there,” he clapped his hands together. He’d attempted to speak to Kylo before the meeting but he’d ignored him completely, pushing past him roughly. Annoyed, Hux went after him immediately. “Excuse me, Ren! What the hell was that about,” he demanded. Kylo turned and stared him down. Hux pressed his lips together and stared back. He knew what he was doing. He felt his face begin to burn, guilt mounting by the second. He looked away. Kylo’s face fell momentarily, hurt etched across it before it hardened again. He stormed into the room. Throughout the meeting, he refused to meet his eye. “Tell us, General, how are we to be sure that this operation won’t be exposed..secrecy is paramount,” an official asked. As Hux was about to respond, Kylo butted in with a perfectly practiced response, adding more than Hux had rehearsed with him. He had been paying attention, and went out of his way to be sure he knew more than was necessary. Hux smiled at him, pleased with his behavior and display of capabilities when it was necessary. Kylo ignored him. He walked the officals to their shuttles, Kylo had said his farewells after the meeting. “I’d hug you but we couldn’t have your men think you were the hugging sort,” Malek teased as they stood outside his shuttle. “No, we certainly could not!,” Hux retorted sharply but he was smiling. They shook hands firmly. Before he walked up the ramp, his gaze looked upwards. “ I think your...friend...is looking for you..,” he winked at Hux, disappearing into the shuttle. Kylo was languishing in one of the control rooms by the window, reading pages of some description. Hux scowled as he looked upwards. As if Kylo had any interest in the clearance logs. He squared his shoulders and braced himself for what was about to come.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!!!


End file.
